I love comments.  I love reading comments on others’ blogs.  I love when someone comments on something I write.  I like leaving them, too.  Unfortunately, I am particularly bad at doing it.  I read most of my blogs in Google Reader.  This makes it harder to comment.  It is especially hard when I forget about them for a few days and the unread posts pile up into the hundreds.  I end up skimming more than I would like.  I also just find that I feel like I don’t have time to stop and comment.  Booo! I know.  Here I am writing about how much I enjoy reading what others have to say, and I give a lame-o excuse for not doing it myself.

I guess I need to do something about it.  Either I need to read fewer blogs (can’t see this happening), or I need to make it a priority (that sounds like a great idea, Casey!).    So, those of you whose blogs I read will (hopefully) be seeing more comments from me in the future!

As I do that, I am noticing that something just doesn’t feel right.  I have complained written about my asthma a few times now.  Basically, I have been on an inhaler for 7 months.  I still notices symptoms during the day even sitting and relaxing.  I have symptoms during exercise.  I also cough uncontrollably when I get sick.  Albuterol doesn’t help in either inhaler or nebulizer form.  Is there a secondary issue?  Do I have allergies?  Is this not really asthma?  Is the asthma stubborn or more severe than I/we initially thought?

It is frustrating.  Right now, I am itching to get out and get running again, but I don’t do it, because it is such a frustrating experience.  We are moving in July, and after we get settled, we plan to join the YMCA in town.  I am both looking forward to this (having access to the equipment and other activities) and dreading the frustration that comes with trying to increase my running distance and endurance.

I may start the couch to 5K plan again and give myself 2 weeks for each week of the plan.  I may also visit the doctor again to see if she has any insights.  I am not sure.

Recently, several friends of mine have taken trips with their young children.  When I see their pictures or hear their stories, I get the travel bug.  Before the kids were born, Jason and I did a little traveling.  We went to Winnipeg a few times, Seattle, Florida, and some more regional travel.  Since kids, we haven’t done much at all.  Looking at pictures (thanks, Facebook!), I am starting to get the travel bug.

Then, reality hits.    We did a small roadtrip this weekend.  On Friday, we drove the 4 hours to my parents’ house.  We brought books, toys, burp cloths, and snacks.  I thought for sure the trip to their house would be no problem.  Unfortunately, K and A didn’t agree with me.  They slept for less than an hour, and the rest of the time, they really needed to be entertained.  By the time we were about 30 minutes from our destination, I was ready to go to Bismarck the next day in order to buy a DVD player with dual screens for the trip home.  (We didn’t do that, but I was very serious about doing it.)  The trip home turned out to be much easier which was a pleasant surprise, but I am definitely not ready to try too many trips that are much longer than this one was.

I suppose some of the wrinkles get ironed out with practice and as the boys get used to being in the car for longer periods of time, but that seems like a painful transition!  Maybe there are some secret tricks I don’t know, if there are, please share.  I would love to know!  I am pretty sure that if there aren’t secrets that would change the whole experience time and practice are probably the answers.    I guess the travel bug will have to wait a little longer to be satisfied.

Right now, I am sitting on our couch stewing about our house situation and listening to A cough.    Poor kiddo.  He has had a slightly runny nose for the past couple weeks.  It hasn’t even been runny, but every once in a while, he needs a tissue.  It just seems like it is a bit more than a normal nose.

Now, he is coughing.  If you have read my past blog posts about my current frustrations with my health, you probably know that coughing is a sore subject for me.  As long as I can remember, coughing has been my symptom of a cold.  Whenever I hear one of my kids coughing, I am immediately anxious about it.  I think about how I feel when I can’t sleep because I am coughing.  I think about how it has been such a struggle to get an answer for the cause of my coughing.  I think about how he must feel.  In fact, at some points, the trouble we have had controlling both mine and K’s allergies/asthma/coughing/whatever it is has actually affected my thinking about having more children in the future.

Right now, as I sit here and listen to him cough, I feel like this is something I did to him.  Poor kiddo.

I am a neglectful blogger.  I admit it!  Every time I get started blogging again, something else comes up, and I take another long hiatus.  I am sorry to anyone who does still read this blog.  I am trying to do better. 

Those of you who know me in person have most likely heard me talk about wanting to move back into town.  Three years ago, we bought the house we currently live in, and it is about 10 miles out of town in a small bedroom community.  For various reasons, we want to go back to town.  We decided some time over the winter that we were going to put our house on the market and see what would happen with it.  Our original goal was to have it up by May 1, then May 15, and finally June 2 or 3.  Well, for the last month, Jason and I have been cleaning, organizing, and decluttering.  We missed our goal of having it up on the market by June 2 or 3, but we did list it on Friday.  By Friday at noon, we had appointments for three showings (with a fourth added later that evening).

It was a crazy day.  I ended up taking all of our extra stuff out of the house and taking the boys to a friend’s house.  We were supposed to have had another friend and her family over for supper here, but because of the timing of one showing, we decided I would make supper at her house.  I threw all the food for supper in the van, too.  I got the boys out of the house at about 1:00 for the 1:30 showing, and we were out for the rest of the afternoon and evening.

We found out that two of the parties who had seen our house made offers.  We accepted the second offer on Saturday, and our house is officially pending right now.  Isn’t that amazing?  The buyer had initially proposed a closing date of July 8th, but because we haven’t looked at ANY houses yet, we are planning to close some time on or before July 16th.  Any prayers for the situation would be appreciated!    God has worked this all out so wonderfully, I am not worried, but I know that even with everything going as planned buying and selling houses can be very stressful.

We are planning to look at houses this week with our realtor.  We made a list of all the houses that fit our price range and criteria.  We looked through it, and we managed to eliminate 2.  Now, we only have 11 more to look at!    Eleven seems like it might be a smidge too many, but I just couldn’t not see them!

This is why I am not blogging right now.  I am not reading.  I am not exercising much.  I am not cooking as much as I want.  I was only cleaning, organizing, and thinking about cleaning and organizing.    It seems unblievable that when I go to BlogHer in about 6 weeks, I will no longer be living in this house!

On Saturday, I ran a 5k race.  Originally, I had planned (or hoped to plan) to run the half marathon with Jason.  As time passed, it became evident that was not going to happen.  Between me missing running days to meet other commitments, getting sick, finding out I had asthma, and feeling all around frustrated, I just couldn’t do it.  I stopped running altogether at the end of October after a particularly nasty cold.  Then, I decided to pick it back up in February, and things were going alright until another nasty cold which left me unable to do any training for about 2 weeks.  Even though I knew I wouldn’t make my goal, I decided to participate anyway.

The morning was cold and a little chaotic as no one around me really seemed to know what was going on.  As I got closer to the starting line, I felt more and more nervous.  I started off running pretty well.  Then, I sort of just crashed.  I couldn’t breathe well.  I am not sure if it was from the cold air or the nerves or a combination of both, but after about the first 3/4 of a mile, I felt pretty bad for the rest of the race.  I ran/walked, and I was able to run the last kilometer or so and finish at a running pace, but I really wasn’t all that happy with my inagural running experience.

I placed 2800 out of 4500 participants.  I was 329 out of 487 in my division.  I was 1775 out of 3117 for women.  My gun time was 48:01, and my actual time was 41:00.  My pace was 13:12 per mile.  I am not overly excited about this, but I guess everyone starts somewhere, right?

As you might notice, I have not blogged in almost 2 months.  What?!?!?  I know.  Lame, right?  This is a breastfeeding blog.  I breastfeed 2 kids.  How could I not have anything to say about it?  I don’t know.  I just don’t.  It is such a part of our lives, it just happens.  We don’t have many struggles.  I don’t have much to say about it.  It just is.

Then comes my identity crisis.  I think of other things I could share.  I wanted to write about my books I am reading.  I wanted to share some new recipes.  I wanted to talk about running and how my asthma is affecting it.  Then, I think “The Beautiful Letdown.”  It is a breastfeeding blog.  I considered for a while starting a new blog with everything other than breastfeeding, but I decided against it.  I am not keeping up with this blog.  I don’t think that the best thing to do is add another one to my list.  I know that there are people who do this, but I don’t think I am one of those who should.

I just need to get over it and write, right?  Write for me.  Write about what I want to say.  Write about what interests me right now.  Post some cute pictures, and viola, I am back in business.  So, that is my plan.  I am going to reinject a little life into my blog, but it will not be exclusively (or even primarily) a breastfeeding blog for the time being.  I am thinking about doing a couple posts that do relate to breastfeeding.  Because of the name of my blog, I get a lot of searches for “should I feel my letdown” “what is a letdown” “I don’t feel my letdown” and other variations of thsoe questions.  Maybe I could save a new mom a little time if I made a post about this even if it is not something I am wondering about.

I hope that this isn’t a major disappointment to anyone, and I don’t think it will be.  I enjoy blogging, and I enjoy hearing from people who read what I write.  I miss that, and I think getting my thoughts out and back on this blog will be something that can be interesting, thought provoking, and enjoyable for all of us!

(If I can get a little help from my technology master husband over the weekend, I will replace this sentence with the Spring Reading Thing button.)

Katrina at Callipiddar days is hosting a reading challenge!  Check out her page to find out how you can be a part of the challenge.

Because I love to read more than almost anything else, when I have an excuse to read more and read LOTS it gets me very excited.    The Spring Reading Thing goes from March 20 to June 20.  I am already participating in the TBR Challenge, so my list for this challenge will include those books, too.

Generally, I am planning that each book will take me about 2 weeks (although it has proved to be much shorter in the past), so for this challenge, I am aiming for 2 books per month.  One is from my TBR list and one is a new book.
Here is my list:

1.  Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammet

2.  Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jean Bumgarner

3.  Memory Keeper’s Daughter by Kim Edwards

4.  Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah

5.  How Weaning Happens by Diane Bengson

6.  How to Talk so Kids Will Listen By Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

This is probably pretty optimistic for me, but I’ll take any excuse to read more!

Welcome!

This week, I am taking part in the Ultimate Blog Party that is being hosted at one of my very favorite (and most talked about sites) 5 Minutes for Mom! How fun! If you want to host a blog warming party at your house, you can sign up on the Mr. Linky and start blog hopping. They are also giving away many amazing prizes. When it comes to free stuff, I really am not picky, but I do think that I wouldn’t mind #1, 2, 17, 19 (Who could not use $50 at Target???), 21, 22, 26, 30, 44, 45, 58, 91, 103, 106, 118, and 119. I think I will stop there. I don’t want to appear greedy. How fun! Have I said that yet?

Here is a little bit about me, my family, and my blog for those who don’t know me.

I am Casey. I am a 29 year old stay at home mom. I taught special education before I made the choice to stay at home. I have a 3 year old boy (K) and a 1.5 year old boy (A). I am married to their wonderful father, Jason. We have been married for 6 .5 years now. It definitely doesn’t seem like it has been that long at all.

If I were to host a party at my house, it would be a family-friendly, easy going get together. There would likely be kids running all over the place riding tractors or playing with legos. The adults would be sitting around having a snack and waiting for the taco bar to be ready. (That is my favorite entertaining food.)

My blog covers many different topics from breastfeeding to cloth diapering to reading to healthy eating to running to asthma and eczema to having two children less than two years apart. I often write blog posts in my head only to have them disappear for days or weeks in my mind before I get them down in writing.

Come on in! Have a look around, and make yourself comfortable.