This morning, at my MOPS group, our speakers were a local couple, and they talked about intimacy in marriage. I know that when many people think of intimacy, they think of sex. However, this couple talked about intimacy outside of sex. They talked about being open, honest, and vulnerable with each other. They talked about spending time together as friends and just being. It was great to see a couple married 31+ years discuss these issues. They also discussed their earliest memories of intimacy as being with their parents (her with her mom, and him with his dad).

The more I thought about intimacy in relationships, the more I thought about nursing and breastfeeding. It’s a very private, intimate, and open relationship that a child and a mom have while nursing. Looking at my relationships with both K and A, I can say that I really see a closeness in my relationship with K that I don’t have yet with A. Having spent at least a couple hours a day nursing him almost every day for the past 2 years has definitely developed that relationship. I also see an intimacy in my relationship with A that I didn’t have with K. Because A has been such a high-needs baby, I have so much time with him. It’s also been pretty intense time over the past seven months.

After hearing the couple speak today, I began to think about my boys’ future relationships, and I hope that in some way, having this relationship with me will be the beginning of a lifetime of experiences that allow them to experience intimacy (in many ways) with those in their futures.

It seems like I always have 4 or 5 great ideas for blog topics while I shower in the evenings. Then, I get out of the shower and *bam* they’re gone! Instead of one of those great thought provoking blogs, you get this tonight.

Since A was born, I can say that my errand runnings and general outings have decreased. Some had to do with weather, but a lot of it has to do with the logistics needed to get two kids ready, navigate nap and lunch time, and get in and out of the carseats several times.

So, I needed to go to the post office. I had three packages to send. I needed to return some books I borrowed from a friend, send some cloth diapers to a friend, and return a bag I bought on Etsy. First, we went to Target. That went relatively well, but my hands were pretty well frozen by the time we got into the building. K was cooperative, and A tolerated the stroller better than expected. We got back into the car and went to the post office. I felt like I was in a competition at the post office. I had to address the packages, pack the stuff up, and seal it all. Then, I stood in line, and paid for all my stuff and the postage for it. Just as I was finishing up, A decided he had enough. He started to complain. Luckily, I was able to wheel my stroller out to the car and get him in there before he started a full protest.

I thought I deserved a mocha or a latte from Starbucks for all my work, but since I’m still dairy free, I decided to pass. Making them with soy milk doesn’t hit the spot in the same way as whole milk does. I guess knowing that we did it and we all survived will have to be my reward.

About a month ago, Jason, my husband started running on our treadmill every other day. He started off running two miles and is up to three and a half as of Saturday. Now, I have never had much desire to run. Occasionally, I lose my mind, and it sounds like something I would enjoy. However, in my saner moments, I know that it is not something I want to do. In fact, I almost shudder when I think about it. Even though I would find reading the dictionary to be easier and more enjoyable, I’m really proud of him for making this commitment and sticking with it. Ever since my parents have known Jason, they have said over and over again how he is the most patient person they’ve ever met. One conversation that I recall with my dad happened after a long, hot game of golf. I think that his patience plays a big part in his ability to be dedicated to a goal that he has. Me, not so much patience and not so much dedication, unfortunately.

Recently, one night when A wasn’t sleeping and Jason was getting ready to go run, I got grumpy about his running. I stood in the shower and stewed about it. I had myself convinced that he was being selfish and choosing his own desires over being with me or the boys. I was pretty mad at him. In fact, by the end of my shower, I was ready to sit him down and let him know that right now we just don’t have the time for him to be running. He needs to spend all of his evening time with me, with A, or doing work. (How terrible does that sound?) Suddenly, I realized just what I was going to tell him. I really felt like God was asking me to dig deeper and figure out where my feelings were coming from. So, I spent some more time thinking about it.

I came to the realization that me being mad about his running had nothing to do with him. Not so surprisingly, it was about me! I was mad that he was able to stay so dedicated and committed to running when it’s something that is very hard for me. I start new projects and hobbies quite frequently. I’m currently crocheting and quilting blankets. I also have terra cotta pots and paint in the garage. I have tons and tons of unread books. I have a blog that I don’t update nearly as often as I should. I have also started reading my Bible-in-a-year at least 4 different times, and I could go on and on! Persistence is not one of my strengths unfortunately.

My first instinct when I figured out why it was bothering me so much was to go out and make some big commitments to prove to myself that I can in fact stick with what I start. I’m not so sure that’s the wisest thing to do though. After some more thought, I think what I’ll do is take some time decide where I really do want to spend my time and energy. Then, I’ll commit to doing those things instead of jumping onto the next fun idea that comes by.