On Sat­ur­day, I ran a 5k race.  Orig­i­nally, I had planned (or hoped to plan) to run the half marathon with Jason.  As time passed, it became evi­dent that was not going to hap­pen.  Between me miss­ing run­ning days to meet other com­mit­ments, get­ting sick, find­ing out I had asthma, and feel­ing all around frus­trated, I just couldn’t do it.  I stopped run­ning alto­gether at the end of Octo­ber after a par­tic­u­larly nasty cold.  Then, I decided to pick it back up in Feb­ru­ary, and things were going alright until another nasty cold which left me unable to do any train­ing for about 2 weeks.  Even though I knew I wouldn’t make my goal, I decided to par­tic­i­pate anyway.

The morn­ing was cold and a lit­tle chaotic as no one around me really seemed to know what was going on.  As I got closer to the start­ing line, I felt more and more ner­vous.  I started off run­ning pretty well.  Then, I sort of just crashed.  I couldn’t breathe well.  I am not sure if it was from the cold air or the nerves or a com­bi­na­tion of both, but after about the first 3/4 of a mile, I felt pretty bad for the rest of the race.  I ran/walked, and I was able to run the last kilo­me­ter or so and fin­ish at a run­ning pace, but I really wasn’t all that happy with my inagural run­ning experience.

I placed 2800 out of 4500 par­tic­i­pants.  I was 329 out of 487 in my divi­sion.  I was 1775 out of 3117 for women.  My gun time was 48:01, and my actual time was 41:00.  My pace was 13:12 per mile.  I am not overly excited about this, but I guess every­one starts some­where, right?

As you might notice, I have not blogged in almost 2 months.  What?!?!?  I know.  Lame, right?  This is a breast­feed­ing blog.  I breast­feed 2 kids.  How could I not have any­thing to say about it?  I don’t know.  I just don’t.  It is such a part of our lives, it just hap­pens.  We don’t have many strug­gles.  I don’t have much to say about it.  It just is.

Then comes my iden­tity cri­sis.  I think of other things I could share.  I wanted to write about my books I am read­ing.  I wanted to share some new recipes.  I wanted to talk about run­ning and how my asthma is affect­ing it.  Then, I think “The Beau­ti­ful Let­down.”  It is a breast­feed­ing blog.  I con­sid­ered for a while start­ing a new blog with every­thing other than breast­feed­ing, but I decided against it.  I am not keep­ing up with this blog.  I don’t think that the best thing to do is add another one to my list.  I know that there are peo­ple who do this, but I don’t think I am one of those who should.

I just need to get over it and write, right?  Write for me.  Write about what I want to say.  Write about what inter­ests me right now.  Post some cute pic­tures, and viola, I am back in busi­ness.  So, that is my plan.  I am going to rein­ject a lit­tle life into my blog, but it will not be exclu­sively (or even pri­mar­ily) a breast­feed­ing blog for the time being.  I am think­ing about doing a cou­ple posts that do relate to breast­feed­ing.  Because of the name of my blog, I get a lot of searches for “should I feel my let­down” “what is a let­down” “I don’t feel my let­down” and other vari­a­tions of thsoe ques­tions.  Maybe I could save a new mom a lit­tle time if I made a post about this even if it is not some­thing I am won­der­ing about.

I hope that this isn’t a major dis­ap­point­ment to any­one, and I don’t think it will be.  I enjoy blog­ging, and I enjoy hear­ing from peo­ple who read what I write.  I miss that, and I think get­ting my thoughts out and back on this blog will be some­thing that can be inter­est­ing, thought pro­vok­ing, and enjoy­able for all of us!