During my first pregnancy, I knew right away I wanted to breastfeed.  I don’t know why.  I just did.  It seemed natural (and inexpensive).  As my due date grew closer, I started to get nervous.  I started to question my decision and think things like ‘maybe I’ll breastfeed if it works’ or ‘I’ll see how it goes.’  As I became more and more anxious about it, I decided to take control of my anxiety and instead of only fretting, I fretted and read.  I read books (which I would not recommend so I won’t link to them).  I read websites.  I sought out message boards.  I asked my mom about nursing.  I had known she had nursed me to about 18 months and my brother until he was almost 3.  She encouraged me to find a La Leche League group close to me, but I hesitated.  That seemed like a little too much.  Why would I go when I didn’t even have a baby?  I also took my hospital’s breastfeeding class.

The class was a review of everything I already knew.

• Some women have a hard time getting started but it’s worth it.
• If some babies don’t latch in one position, try another.
• Be careful introducing bottles.  They can cause nipple confusion.
• Buy some nursing bras.
• If you have trouble, ask for a lactation consultant.

K’s Hospital Stay
My first surprise in breastfeeding came when K, my son, came 4 weeks early.  When he was born, he had no desire to suck, and he had a small mouth.  I did as I had read.  When I had trouble, I asked for a Lactation Consultant (LC).  Unfortunately, in my hospital, LCs are also NICU nurses.  Unfortunately, there was a mom pregnant with twins in premature labor, and the LC was needed to help her keep from delivering those precious babies at 31 weeks.  This meant that I didn’t have a LC to help me.  What I had was a baby who was jaundiced and didn’t want to eat.  He seemed to have no sucking reflex, and he was extremely sleepy.  After about a day of pumping my colostrum and getting very little, a nurse told me, “He’s gotta eat something, and his suck is worse than pathetic.”  She took him and fed him his first bottle of formula as I cried about how I had just ruined my chances of successful breastfeeding.  My husband tried to comfort me, but he was as upset as I was.  Neither of us had discussed a passionate desire to breastfeed, but once I had my little guy in my arms, I knew I *had* to breastfeed him.  That night, Jason and I got up every 3 hours.  I attempted to nurse K for 15 minutes.  K refused the breast.  I pumped and Jason fed K my colostrum with a medicine dropper and followed it up with an ounce of formula.  By the time we had finished that and washed the pump parts, we had about an hour to sleep before it was time to start waking K again.  To say we were feeling discouraged is a major understatement.

The next day, the lactation consultant came to my room.  She watched K attempt to nurse, and she gave me a nipple shield.  Not knowing anything about the controversy that surrounds their use, I popped it on.  It was almost instantly successful for me.  K latched and started nursing and nursing and nursing and nursing.  I was ecstatic thinking that I had managed to find a way to continue our nursing relationship!  We ended up staying another day in the hospital in pediatrics so his weight could be monitored, but we didn’t have any other issues there.  People who have read my blog know that K just turned 4 and is still nursing, so I would say that despite our rocky beginning, we have experienced much success in our relationship!

A’s Hospital Stay
Fast forward about 20 months, and I found myself back in the hospital with a new baby.  I was pretty confident that #2 was going to be a much better nurser than my first had been.  I was an expert!  I was still nursing K, and we had been through quite a few difficulties.  When A was born, I knew that I was going to nurse him on demand.  Even though K had been sleepy and nursed every 3 hours, I knew that it was likely that A would have a different schedule.  And, I was right!  From the time A was born, he nursed often and very quickly.  He nursed about every hour to hour and fifteen minutes, but unlike K who nursed for 45 minutes at a time, A was done in 5 minutes.  I didn’t have any problems or concerns about his schedule.  I figured that as long as I was offering frequently and he was nursing, we were fine.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t prepared for a big (9 pounds 12 ounces), overdue (3 days past due date) baby who had trouble latching!  Unlike K, A seemed to like to suck.  He seemed to be sucking on his own tongue, and he had a hard time changing that suck in order to latch when it was time for nursing.  When the LC came to visit me, I told her about my observations and asked her for advice.  She said that I should just keep trying, and she was so excited I was an experienced nurser.  Looking back, I think she was probably very busy and pulled in several directions with all of her responsibilties.  At the time, I was so dismayed that I was having these difficulties I had not anticipated that I couldn’t even express my need for help.

Because of A’s fast labor and delivery, he had some health problems after birth.  He and I were separated for hours at a time while he was in NICU for observation both nights we were in the L&D room.  During the days, he continued to struggle with nursing.  It took me at least 10 or 15 minutes to get him to latch.  He often cried through the process.  He would then latch and nurse for 5 minutes on one side only!

A and I continued our nursing relationship.  I continued working with him through the struggles, and he and I have also been quite successful in our relationship.  He is nursing on demand during the day and occasionally at night.

Looking back, I realize that during those days in the hospital, I was tired.  I was a new mom.  I was emotional.  I was upset and frustrated that the beautiful relationship hadn’t turned out as I had envisioned.  I do think that there are significant benefits to moms, babies, and hospitals if breastfeeding support is available for moms when they want and need it.  However, I think that while hospitals *should* have good support, the reality is that not all of them do.  There are doctors who don’t have an opinion one way or the other on nursing.  There are nurses who prefer that a mom choose formula because it is easier when the nurse already has so many patients to care for.  There are both doctors and nurses who have never nursed a child nor have they received any information or training in supporting a breastfeeding mom.  Those are the realities.  While we can continue to work to change that situation, until then I think it’s important that moms are aware of the situations they might encounter in the hospitals.  If I could pass on one piece of advice to a mom-to-be, it would be to take the number of a friend who has worked through nursing troubles.  Call her.  Talk with her.  She might not know the answers to your questions or your problems, but she might know how to help you find them.  She might not know what you’re going through, but she might know how you’re feeling.  She might not be able to help you get your baby to nurse without troubles, but she can be the friend to come beside you and walk with you during a time that is already so full of new experiences an old friend will be all the more important!

Here are the other participants in the November Breastfeeding Carnival (list will be updated throughout the day):

Angela @ Breastfeeding 1–2-3

Christina @ The Milk Mama

Rebekah @ Mama’s Angel

Lauren @ Hobo Mama

Whozat @ Whozatshrike

Tanya @ Motherwear Blog

Sinead @ Breastfeeding Mums

This month, all the posters will be discussing their breastfeeding goals. I will link to the other participants as they post. Check back throughout the next couple of days to make sure you get all the links!

Here are my breastfeeding goals.

Currently, I am an extended, tandem nursing mother. I have a three year old and a one year old who are breastfeeding. Three years ago, my goals were to breastfeed my older son, K, for 6 weeks. Once I achieved that goal, I set longer and longer time based goals. With my second son, A, I didn’t really set those types of goals (6 weeks, 6 months, 1 year), because I was still breastfeeding K, and I knew that I would be able to make it as long as we both desired.

As 2008 came to a close, I started thinking about my life. I started thinking about goals I wanted to have for 2009. I joined a reading challenge. I set a fitness goal. Then, I thought about breastfeeding, and from a quick glance at my situation, it would appear that I don’t need to make a goal, right? Maybe some people would encourage me to set some weaning goals, but that’s not really my desire. My desire has been for some time now to let both of my boys self wean. I want Mommy Milk to be available to them as long as they need it. I suppose some people would also say that’s a goal. I suppose it is, but I decided that more than that, I want breastfeeding to be a good, close bonding experience for us just as it was when they were tiny. After thinking about it for some time, I decided that I do have breastfeeding goals that are very intentional and not just going with the flow.

1. I want to “be there” with each of my boys when he is nursing. I won’t be talking on the phone, watching tv, reading, or talking to someone else.
2. I want to continue to nurse on demand through the day. My boys are both night weaned, but because i have put that restriction on their nursing, I don’t want to have restrictions during the day.

3. I want to respond to their desire to nurse with honor and respect for their needs and wants. Sometimes I tend to feel “touched out.” When I am touched out, I find it harder to nurse on demand and harder to be positive, loving, and respectful. Sometimes I feel grudging, tired, and crabby. I want to remember that this is something I choose to give my children as long as they need it. Because it is a choice to continue, I want to do so in a way that respects everyone involved.

4. Lastly, I want to continue to talk about tandem nursing and extended nursing. I want people to know that there are moms out there who are doing these things and that both the moms and the children are healthy, normal, and well-adjusted people.

Check out these blogs for more breastfeeding goals (updated as the posts go live):

Secrets of Orual

Motherwear

Zen Mommy

Hobo Mama

Breastfeeding123

Blacktating

MilkAct

Mama Knows Breast

Breastfeeding Mums

When I was pregnant with my first child, I knew I wanted to breastfeed. I did some reading. I searched the internet for what I felt were informative articles. By the time my breastfeeding class at the hospital rolled around I felt pretty confident. My confidence increased when I went to the class. She didn’t tell me one thing in an almost two hour class that I didn’t already know! I knew I was going to be able to do it. As a sort of insurance, I found a breastfeeding forum/message board and asked if there was anything else I should do to be prepared or informed. The answers were pretty run-of-the-mill. “Just keep on going!” “Don’t let anyone talk you into quitting.” “You can do it!” I knew that I was set.

When K was born, I had a bit of a surprise. Maybe shock is a better word. He was born nearly 4 weeks early and he wouldn’t latch. He looked at my breast. He half-heartedly opened his mouth. Then, he fell asleep. What?!? This wasn’t the plan. He was supposed to know what to do, because I had done my part to get informed about breastfeeding. Well, after three days in the hospital, we were discharged. I had a nipple shield and a baby who ate for 45–60 minutes every 3 hours. Not exactly fitting my plan.

Fortunately, my mom had breastfed both myself (for around 18 months) and my brother (for nearly 3 years). She was an amazing support. She kept telling me, “Trust yourself. You know best. You know what is right for you and your baby.” She got up with me for the middle of the night feedings and held K afterwards until he had his burp and could fall back asleep. She visited with me when I thought I was too tired to do another feeding. She was wonderful, and that was a major component for my success. I am sure of it.

When she left and I was home alone with my baby, I began to doubt myself, so I went back to the message board where I had asked for help so many weeks prior. I began posting question after question after question. I got wonderful support, and I got great information. There was one person in particular on that message board who I still feel a debt of gratitude toward. Her name was Joan, and she was a moderator of the breastfeeding forum. Sure, other people would answer my question, but I didn’t feel like I had the real answer until I heard from Joan. Over the weeks and months, I gained confidence, and I also gained a friendship. Joan is still one of my close on-line friends. She and I have kept in touch over the past few years, and when a friend of mine had a baby who had nursing troubles (oversupply and overactive letdown, something I knew very little about) Joan was available over the phone to help her out, too. I also began reading www.kellymom.com during any spare moment I had. I loved that website. It was so easy to navigate and so easy to read and understand. It is where I got the bulk of my early breastfeeding knowledge.

Almost two years later, when I had my second son, I was pretty confident again. I had been through so much with K that I thought I should have it under control. But, as almost anyone who has breastfed knows, every baby is different. With A, I had different issues, and again I turned to www.kellymom.com and a supportive on-line community to help me get through the first weeks that were tough.

Now, I’ve been nursing K for almost 35 months, and I’ve been tandem nursing K and A for 14 months. I feel like each day I can learn something about breastfeeding whether it be from a book, a website, a friend, another nursing momma, or one of my kids. I think it’s one of those things where you can keep learning more and more, but I’m not sure that you can ever say that you have “learned to breastfeed.” To me, it’s a journey more than a destination.

Check out these blogs for more thoughts on Learning to Breastfeed (updated throughout the day):

• BreastfeedingMums.com
• Breastfeeding123.com
• Hobomama.blogspot.com
• Breastfeeding.blog.motherwear.com
• KateWicker.com
• Babyfingers.blogspot.com
• StopDropandBlog.com
• NurturingNotes.blogspot.com