For awhile now, I’ve been feeling like we had too many toys (just like that post by Amy!).  This summer, we moved from a house where we had play areas in the living room, family room, and in the boys’ bedroom to an apartment.  Also, both K and A have had birthdays since.  AND, with Christmas coming up, I have been feeling overwhelmed with all of our stuff.  I know that we will be receiving many gifts from friends and family, and we will have to find a way to incorporate the new books, toys, and activities into our routine and space without compromising access to some of my kids’ favorites.

Lately, I’ve been reminiscing about our days in our old house.  When we decided to put the house on the market, I packed up (and/or gave away) many of the things that we didn’t use.  We had some in bins in closets.  We put some in storage, and we gave some to goodwill.  Even though we had less stuff, it seemed to me that there was much more playing going on.  The boys fought less.  There was less mess, and they seemed to enjoy their stuff more.  So, between my nostalgic memories and now reading the posts I mentioned above, I think our play spaces will be undergoing some serious transformation.  If I get brave, I may even take a picture today to post as a before picture and contrast with my after picture. 

Also, in addition to wanting less mess and stuff around, I also want to start focusing on Christmas more with the boys.  I want to talk about Christmas and what it means to us.  I want to do things for others during this season.  I want to spend more time together and less time worried about our stuff.  I am trying to figure out ways to move the focus from presents and decorations to love, caring, giving, and Jesus’ birth.  I’m hoping that by starting to get our stuff under control, we will be able to do more of that.

Today, my kids went to my sister-in-law’s photography studio to have their 2 year (second try for these), 4 year, and Christmas pictures.  I wasn’t completely sure how things were going to go.  I had an idea though.  I thought that K would probably be mostly cooperative for a while.  I figured that A would be reluctant, and we would be lucky to get any 2 year or Christmas pictures.

We took A to have his 2 year pictures taken in July, but it was too much for him and too different.  He wasn’t at all interested in standing in front of her backdrop.  He didn’t like her stuffed bird that helps her.  He didn’t want to sit on her chair or stand on her step stool.  We didn’t push it.  A has always been slow to warm up, so I knew pushing him wasn’t going to be the answer.

This time, I decided to practice ahead of time.  Several months ago, I read a blog post I, of course, cannot find or remember where it came from.  It suggested that when encountering new situations, parents should practice ahead of time with their kids.  The mom who wrote the blog post talked about going to the dentist and how she and her daughter role played what might happen.  If anyone knows where this post came from, please let me know.  I’d love to link to it.

So, last night, we got the vests out that the boys were planning to wear in their pictures.  We put a blanket over the back of the couch.  I got a puppy to be my helper, and we took some pictures.  I told the boys where to sit.  I had Jason sit with them, too.  I also had them practice standing together and having K put his arm around A.  Then, we reversed roles.  K took our pictures.  He posed me and Jason.  He got to have the puppy as his helper.  It was a quick activity.  I wasn’t sure it had made any difference at all.  Today was going to be the test.

When we went to have their pictures taken, I was waiting to see how A reacted.  Their Auntie Tera was great with them.  She had K take his pictures first.  He definitely worked the camera.  Next, came the pictures of the boys together.  I held my breath and waited to see what happened.  Then, I saw a smile.  And another!  I was so excited!  I was practically beaming by the time A had his pictures.  I can say with certainty that we are going to have some pretty cute handsome pictures and Christmas cards!  I can’t wait to see them.  Thanks again, Tera!

Here are a couple of the pictures from our practice session.  They aren’t quite the same as the ones we’ll be sending out in a couple weeks.

The food prop

With Dad

Not looking at camera

Many times in A’s first year, I was asked, “Is he a good baby?”  Of course he was a good baby.  Look at him, I wanted to say!  Isn’t he one of the most beautiful people ever to be a part of the human race???  Couldn’t they see only by looking at him that he was obviously amazing?  Then, the questions got specific.  “How often does he eat?”  “How many times is he getting up at night?”  “How does he nap?”  I usually gave them the answers with a smile on my face.  Even though I was going crazy with a newborn and a toddler who were both nursing like crazy, I didn’t want anyone to think anything about my son that might border on less than perfect.  I vented many times to friends about these questions, I almost always answered them with a smile.  I rarely showed my frustrations or tiredness, because I knew I would get advice I didn’t want.

Now, both of my children are preschoolers.  When talking with other parents, friends, and family the focus still seems to be on food and sleep with added questions about obedience.  “What does your daughter eat for supper?”  “Can you get your kids to try new foods?”  (see my previous post) “Is your 3 year old still napping?”  “How can I get my child to x the first time I ask him?”

I’ve recently started wondering at what point are we going to start focusing on things that are going to make a lifelong impact in their lives?  Has anyone ever asked you “Is your four year old compassionate?”  “Does she work on her problem solving skills?”  “How can I provide a rich environment to foster her imagination/creativity?”  Some of us may have heard these questions from our friends and family, but unfortunately, these things don’t seem to get nearly the interest that sleep, food, and obedience get.

I don’t have any answers.  I’m not going to propose a solution that will end the focus on the “good” baby who eats and sleeps as the book predicts.  I only hope to point out that while those things seem to be so important when our kids are little, they decrease in importance as a child grows.

Hahahaha.  Even as I write that, I feel a little silly for being so sure about that.  I’m sure that is the case for some kids.  However, with K, almost nothing has been that easy.  He is a kid who doesn’t take change or learning new skills easily.

Last week, we decided to have a bare bottom day.  K did great!  He ran to the bathroom on his own several times throughout the day.  He didn’t even come to me for help or anything.  Then, I think he may have decided that it was too much work to keep track of his potty needs.  After that, the accidents (and I use that word loosely) started.  “K, do you need to use the bathroom?”  “No.”  Three minutes later, “Mom, I peed.”  “K, do you need to try going potty?”  “No.”  A minute later, “Mom, I peed.”  Today, he had an accident less than 5 minutes after using the potty.  He had another one within the next 40 minutes.  After the second one, I went to get wipes, because he was dirty and wet, and he gave a friend of mine who was standing by him a pretty mischievous smile.

My goal is to give him the opportunity to go and be successful without taking on ownership of whether or not the process “works.”  It is very hard though.  I find it nearly impossible to be neutral after he pees less than 5 or 10 minutes after using the potty or after me asking him if he needs to go.  It seems pretty intentional to me.  I strongly hesitate to apply intention to my children’s actions, but in this case, there are times when it seems SO clear to me that he simply does not want to be bothered with using the potty.  It is very difficult to remain calm and neutral about it.

I have gone over this in my head more than a few times.  Is he ready?  Am I pushing him?  Am I expecting too much?  Should I have waited?  Was he showing interest?  Sigh.  I know he can do it.  I know that he is able to be mostly accident free, because he did it on his own.  I don’t think I am expecting unreasonable things from him.  But, still I struggle with this process.  I struggle with my expectations.  I struggle to avoid power struggles with him.  It is what it is, and right now, it is something that is definitely testing me and making me reexamine quite a bit about myself.

The reason I knew what she was talking about was because we had one of those days.  We have had several of those days lately.  As I said, I did walk into my kids’ music class this morning and immediately start crying.  I’m not sure what exactly caused it, but I just felt emotional and all of a sudden, there were tears running down my face! I’m not sure who was my surprised, me or my friend who teaches the class.

Our morning started out a little rocky. K, my 3 year old, is working on learning to use the potty.  A, my 2 year old, is getting new words at light speed and also working on those stubborn 2 year molars.  Adding all that up, along with a tired mom, and putting it on top of missing our music class, and there you have it.  Me.  Crying.  In front of other people!!!

The day didn’t change all that much from there.  We went to a friend’s house and played outside with some of their toys for a while.  We had lunch, rested, and got ready to play at the park.  We played with friends at the park, and we had supper with those friends.  All those things were good, but I still felt a bit blah.  I felt like I could either be snappy with the boys or be in tears if the right (or wrong) thing happened.

Most nights at our house, you will find Jason putting the boys to bed.  I am often putting away supper, cleaning up the living room, exercising, or doing anything else you can think of.  Jason usually puts the boys to bed.  Tonight, our friends left our house a bit later than we expected.  We had a second round of hunger after we brushed teeth. Things just took longer, and both boys were tired and warm.  As Jason was reading books to them, I was walking past their bedroom door, and I knew that I wanted to be with them.  K sat on my lap for a bit.  A gave me a couple kisses, and the four of us sat together for a few minutes before bed.

Then, came the most beautiful part of my day.  A laid down in his crib.  K got himself settled with his pillows, blankets, and everything else he had collected.  I watched both of my children drift off to sleep.  Initially, I was turned toward K.  He had asked me to rub his tummy.  As I was doing that, I was watching his eyes.  They would droop a little, blink hard, and pop open.  Then, he looked at me and smiled a super sleepy smile.  Again, his eyes drooped and popped back open.  He did this a few times until when they drooped and he blinked, they didn’t pop.  They stayed shut.  After he had closed his eyes, I turned toward A.  He was laying on his side.  He saw me turn over, and he gave me his super sleepy smile.  I watched as he tossed and turned a bit.  He pulled his legs up under himself, turned his head back and forth a couple times, and drifted into sleep.

After the not-so-great day we (I) had, I felt very honored to have been a part of something so sweet, so gentle, so beautiful.  What a blessing my boys are.

Then, reality hits.    We did a small roadtrip this weekend.  On Friday, we drove the 4 hours to my parents’ house.  We brought books, toys, burp cloths, and snacks.  I thought for sure the trip to their house would be no problem.  Unfortunately, K and A didn’t agree with me.  They slept for less than an hour, and the rest of the time, they really needed to be entertained.  By the time we were about 30 minutes from our destination, I was ready to go to Bismarck the next day in order to buy a DVD player with dual screens for the trip home.  (We didn’t do that, but I was very serious about doing it.)  The trip home turned out to be much easier which was a pleasant surprise, but I am definitely not ready to try too many trips that are much longer than this one was.

I suppose some of the wrinkles get ironed out with practice and as the boys get used to being in the car for longer periods of time, but that seems like a painful transition!  Maybe there are some secret tricks I don’t know, if there are, please share.  I would love to know!  I am pretty sure that if there aren’t secrets that would change the whole experience time and practice are probably the answers.    I guess the travel bug will have to wait a little longer to be satisfied.

More and more over the past few weeks, we’ve been hearing K repeat things that we have said to him. One night, Jason was giving him two choices for getting his diaper changed. K kept telling Jason that he didn’t want to have his (poopy) diaper changed. He wanted to wear it. (On a side note, you can tell we’re not exactly steaming down the road of potty learning . ) Jason told him, “That’s not a choice.” Later that night during the bedtime routine, K and Jason were talking and at one point, K said to Jason, “No, Daddy, that not a choice.”

Last week, we spent a little time with my mother-in-law and father-in-law. One of the days, my nieces (ages 6 and 4 were over). At one point, I heard them arguing, and the six year old was saying, “That’s fair!” to her sister over whether or not she needed to share some toys with her. Fast forward to this morning. I was showing K the new library books we had checked out for this week. He was pretty excited about them, and he kept pulling them out of the bag and saying, “That very fair!”

Then, there are the things he picks up that I’m not sure where they came from. “You know better, Mommy!” “A, you being bad!” “No, no, no, no, no!” These are not things we say to him. I know that now that his peers are speaking more and we are around more and different people, his pool of experiences to draw from also grows.

He’s at an age where he is such a sponge. He doesn’t have preconceived ideas of what is fun or not fun (video games vs. books) or what music is good or not good (pop music vs. opera). He loves so many different things. I think that his new tendency to repeat things that we say at just the right time is good for us in more than one way. While it reminds me that he’s always listening to what we say, it also reminds me that he is picking stuff up All. The. Time. I am raising a little sponge, and I want him to be able to absorb all that he can before this time ends.

Unfortunately for me, Jason was on his way out the door and on his way to work. I was lucky enough to take over the emergency bath. In addition to having a head full of grease, K did not want to take a bath, and he had a poopy diaper! I managed to talk him into the bath. Then, I started in on his hair with Dawn. Dawn cuts grease, right? I figured that was my best chance at getting some of that stuff out of his hair. He was patient enough to let me lather and rinse his hair twice. THen, he lost patience, so I took him out of the bath, and he spent the rest of the day with the wet look.

Tonight at supper, he continued on with the hair experiment and decided to try applesauce in his hair. I told Jason that it was his turn to work on K’s hair. He did the 2nd bath of the day with both boys. While they were in the bathroom, I checked the internet and found that some people suggested using cornstarch for getting Vasaline out of hair, so we tried it. K thought it was pretty funny, and I figured it couldn’t hurt. I didn’t get a chance to see his hair after it dried, so I’m not sure if the cornstarch solved our problem or not. I’ll be interested to see how it looks tomorrow.

First, nursing bras. Who makes these things? Why do they all sag? I have yet to find a nursing bra with good support. Even when I take the little adjuster things (the plastic clasps on the bra that make the straps longer or shorter) and push them over the back of my shoulders, I am still not getting decent support. I have been wearing nursing bras since November of 2005, and I’m still unimpressed. Any suggestions?

Secondly, nursing in winter. I need some new winter clothes or something. Nursing in clothes that keep me warm is a tough job! Sweatshirts are too bulky. Some of my undershirts are a little too tight. Some shirts don’t work out that well with a nursing tanktop. Sigh… Apparently, I’ve been having apparel issues lately.

Next, falling asleep while nursing. Neither of my boys have ever been the nurse to sleep type. A did for a while, but he stopped that quite a while ago. K never really nursed to sleep even as an infant. I’m not sure if it was the turkey or what, but in the past few days, both K and A have fallen asleep in my arms while nursing. It’s such a sweet feeling. They’re just so sweet and pure and loving.

Then, there’s three years of nursing and almost eighteen months of tandem nursing. After three years of nursing K and about 18 months of nursing K and A, I’m starting to feel ready for K to get ready to wean. At this point, I don’t think that I will do anything about my feelings. If K isn’t ready to wean, I won’t push him. I’ve considered limiting the number of times he nurses in a day, but I don’t think that’s fair to him. If he did it out of boredom or habit, I might consider it. I don’t think he does though. I think he really needs to nurse in order to reestablish a connection with me. This morning, my parents were up with the boys while Jason and I got a bit more sleep (thanks a lot, Mom and Dad, we appreciate it). I heard Kael outside the door at one point asking for “mommy milk.” I heard him asking for me a while later just as I was about to get up. When I came out to the living room, he said, “Kael needed you. My wanted mommy milk to feel better.” Now, really, how can I argue with that? I don’t, because I know he’s telling me the truth.

Finally, support. I have the best family. They are all great about the nursing and tandem nursing. My mom nursed me for at least a year and a half. She nursed my brother until he was almost three. She’s always been very supportive of the boys nursing. She encouraged me to check out the local breastfeeding support group which I have really enjoyed, and she was a huge help when both of the boys were newborns. She sat up with me and helped me with diaper changes and burping. WONDERFUL! I know that some people are fortunate enough to have support when their babies are young, but as the baby grows, their support fades away and they hear “when are you going to start that baby on formula/solds/cows milk?” or “when are you going to stop nursing?” I have yet to hear either of those questions. Of course, my boys both eat solids, but I *never* get asked when I’m going to wean! That means a lot to me. Also, over the weekend, my parents stayed here as did my brother and sister-in-law. They don’t have kids yet, so I’m not really sure what their thoughts on nursing are, but I would never have had any reason to suspect they are anything but positive and accepting. K nursed several times over the weekend, and A nursed MANY times. In fact, he nursed a couple times at the dinner table on Thursday during our Thanksgiving dinner, and no one batted an eye.