Does nursing too long sometimes hurt the case for extended breastfeeding? That’s something I’ve been thinking about lately. I will not wean my children because of what other people think, and they aren’t ready to wean, so they will nurse on. But… Could I put off a new mom from nursing because I am *still* nursing my 3 year old or because I’m not only nursing a 3 year old, but I’m also nursing a 17 month old, too?

I remember reading something like this on another blog quite a while ago. Someone had suggested to another extended nursing mom that maybe it was best not to be too “out there” about nursing her toddler. I found the comments to be very encouraging and insightful.

Lately, we’ve had a few friends who have had babies and I’ve also had the chance to visit with some moms who have new babies. Some of them have not mentioned the fact that my children nurse, but one of the moms asked me what my husband thought of me still nursing K. Honestly, I don’t think that Jason thinks much of it one way or another. It just is for us.

I didn’t wake up one morning and think ‘hmmm, I should try nursing a 3 year old.’ I did wake up every day for three years and think that he still needed nursing so I would continue. He didn’t get too old overnight, but he has grown gradually day by day and week by week. He doesn’t pull on my shirt. He does ask for milk though. I’m sure there are people who wonder when will I EVER quit nursing, and I can truthfully say to those people that I don’t know how old K or A will be. I do know though, that I will stop nursing when I am sure that it is their choice and because they no longer need or want milk from mommy.

If you don’t want to read about nursing, today’s a good day to take a break from the beautiful letdown.

First, nursing bras. Who makes these things? Why do they all sag? I have yet to find a nursing bra with good support. Even when I take the little adjuster things (the plastic clasps on the bra that make the straps longer or shorter) and push them over the back of my shoulders, I am still not getting decent support. I have been wearing nursing bras since November of 2005, and I’m still unimpressed. Any suggestions?

Secondly, nursing in winter. I need some new winter clothes or something. Nursing in clothes that keep me warm is a tough job! Sweatshirts are too bulky. Some of my undershirts are a little too tight. Some shirts don’t work out that well with a nursing tanktop. Sigh… Apparently, I’ve been having apparel issues lately.

Next, falling asleep while nursing. Neither of my boys have ever been the nurse to sleep type. A did for a while, but he stopped that quite a while ago. K never really nursed to sleep even as an infant. I’m not sure if it was the turkey or what, but in the past few days, both K and A have fallen asleep in my arms while nursing. It’s such a sweet feeling. They’re just so sweet and pure and loving.

Then, there’s three years of nursing and almost eighteen months of tandem nursing. After three years of nursing K and about 18 months of nursing K and A, I’m starting to feel ready for K to get ready to wean. At this point, I don’t think that I will do anything about my feelings. If K isn’t ready to wean, I won’t push him. I’ve considered limiting the number of times he nurses in a day, but I don’t think that’s fair to him. If he did it out of boredom or habit, I might consider it. I don’t think he does though. I think he really needs to nurse in order to reestablish a connection with me. This morning, my parents were up with the boys while Jason and I got a bit more sleep (thanks a lot, Mom and Dad, we appreciate it). I heard Kael outside the door at one point asking for “mommy milk.” I heard him asking for me a while later just as I was about to get up. When I came out to the living room, he said, “Kael needed you. My wanted mommy milk to feel better.” Now, really, how can I argue with that? I don’t, because I know he’s telling me the truth.

Finally, support. I have the best family. They are all great about the nursing and tandem nursing. My mom nursed me for at least a year and a half. She nursed my brother until he was almost three. She’s always been very supportive of the boys nursing. She encouraged me to check out the local breastfeeding support group which I have really enjoyed, and she was a huge help when both of the boys were newborns. She sat up with me and helped me with diaper changes and burping. WONDERFUL! I know that some people are fortunate enough to have support when their babies are young, but as the baby grows, their support fades away and they hear “when are you going to start that baby on formula/solds/cows milk?” or “when are you going to stop nursing?” I have yet to hear either of those questions. Of course, my boys both eat solids, but I *never* get asked when I’m going to wean! That means a lot to me. Also, over the weekend, my parents stayed here as did my brother and sister-in-law. They don’t have kids yet, so I’m not really sure what their thoughts on nursing are, but I would never have had any reason to suspect they are anything but positive and accepting. K nursed several times over the weekend, and A nursed MANY times. In fact, he nursed a couple times at the dinner table on Thursday during our Thanksgiving dinner, and no one batted an eye.

Since he was born, A has been sleeping in our room. He slept in a pack n play for a while. Then, for a while, he slept with us. Then, back into the pack n play. Last week, we decided to move him into a crib in the same room as K. I thought that it would be a rough transition for A. He’s always been a baby who needed to be close to Jason and to myself. I figured it would take two good weeks before we could tell how things were going. Well, he surprised us. After a couple initial struggles, he has done just wonderfully. He nurses. Then, Jason takes him to bed where he lays down and falls asleep. K has been struggling with the transition more though. Unfortunately, I think this came at a bad time for him. He’s also at a stage where he’s kind of ready to start potty learning. He’s not able to get through the day without a nap, but if he does take a nap, then he struggles to fall asleep. I think that having both of those things to deal with and this transition of A moving into his room has been tough on him. Poor guy. I’ve been trying to give him some extra love and mommy time. He has ramped his nursing up, too. Now, I just have to laugh at my worries a few months ago that he wouldn’t still be nursing at 3. I think he nursed 5 or 6 times yesterday, and 3 or 4 today. Sometimes, I wonder if A will wean before K.

Since A is now one, I guess I am now officially an extended, tandem nurser! Woohoo! K is two and will be three in November and still nursing. I recently had someone ask me how I decided to nurse him for so long. Really, it wasn’t a one time decision that I made. It was several smaller decisions made along the way. Many people decide to stop nursing at twelve months and are surprised when I tell them I don’t plan to wean A any time soon. Those same people are generally even more surprised to find out that not only will I not wean A soon, K is still nursing, too. :

Since I decided to put a link to my website in my Facebook page, I thought now is as good a time as any to answer some of those questions. I don’t feel like I need to defend my decision, and I’m not trying to tell anyone else what they should do for their family. I simply like to talk about breastfeeding and other parenting issues. Thus, I have a blog pretty much dedicated to doing just that!

When K was born, I had my share of struggles learning to nurse him. He was early. He needed a shield to latch. He didn’t latch for the first several days of life. He had jaundice. He was a sleepy baby. I am sure there are a couple others I could list, but luckily, those first weeks have faded a little in my memory and now I remember them mostly with rose colored glasses. My first goal was to nurse him for 6 weeks. Once I made that goal, my next goal became three months. Once I made that goal, I decided to go big and made my goal twelve months. Well, by the time K was a year old, I was pregnant with A. I knew that statistically most babies will wean during a mother’s pregnancy. I also knew that K still depended on nursing for comfort and nutrition throughout the day and sometimes through the night, too. I figured that since 70% of babies wean during a mother’s pregnancy, he would too, and I would let him decide when that time was instead of deciding for him.

Well, as my pregnancy progressed, K still seemed to need “mommy milk” in a very real way that wasn’t met in any other manner. I can’t say that nursing while pregnant was the easiest thing I have ever done or the most comfortable. However, it was something I did for K because he needed, wanted, and liked it

K was 20.5 months old when A was born. At that point, being able to nurse both K and A was a tremendous help in the transition from one child to two. K was still very young and still needed a lot of mommy time. Because of that, I decided to allow him to continue nursing on demand. I felt as though choosing to have A was a decision that Jason and I made. K had no part in that decision, so I didn’t think that having A should be the reason he was no longer able to nurse. At that point, it became my goal to allow K to choose his own date for weaning. I reserve the right to change my mind in the case of any unforseen circumstances, but at this point, I hope to achieve child-led weaning.

Now, I am currently nursing A who is also past twelve months. Because of the positive experience I have had with nursing K, I hope to also allow A to make the decision of child-led weaning for himself. Also, with A being sensitive to dairy, we won’t be introducing cow’s milk or other dairy products to him for a while. Continuing to nurse him helps me to ensure that he’s getting fats, proteins, calories, and other immunological benefits during his toddlerhood.

What I’ve written are my personal reasons for choosing extended and tandem nursing for my family. There are also several resources that encourage and support extended nursing. If you are interested, here are a few:

Extended Nursing Fact Sheet

Are there health benefits to nursing past one year of age?

Breastfeed a Toddler- Why on Earth?

Breastfeeding Beyond a Year

Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk (AAP)

Pediatricians and parents should be aware that exclusive breastfeeding is sufficient to support optimal growth and development for approximately the first 6 months of life and provides continuing protection against diarrhea and respiratory tract infection. Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child.

The World Health Organization’s infant feeding recommendations

As a global public health recommendation, infants should be exclusively breastfed(1) for the first six months of life to achieve optimal growth, development and health(2). Thereafter, to meet their evolving nutritional requirements, infants should receive nutritionally adequate and safe complementary foods while breastfeeding continues for up to two years of age or beyond.

Maybe instead of my post being called Wordless Wednesday, I could call it Wordy Wednesday.

That is how often K has nursed in the past two days. Looking back, I can see that there has been a gradual decrease in his nursing since winter ended and spring started. I think it’s even possible that during the times we were trapped inside due to weather, he nursed for something to do. Now that he’s getting older (2 years, 8 months), it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for him to start moving more and more toward weaning, I suppose.

I have never had a goal in mind for him as far as age goes, but I think I would like it if he could hang on until he turned 3. That’s a nice round number, right? I’m just not ready to consider him a graduated nursling yet! I know that he could hang onto just these two nursing sessions for a long time, and I hope he does, but only TWO in one day?!?!?!? That was a big surprise when I realized just how little he has been nursing lately. Definitely bittersweet.

At least if he weans, I will still be nursing A. A is showing no signs of weaning, and it looks very possible that he could nurse as long or longer than K based on his nursing sessions at this point.

Many times on blogs and forums, I’ve read people share their birth stories, but I rarely read anyone’s nursing story. As much as my kids’ birth stories are amazing and wonderful and exciting, to me, so are their nursing stories. Many mamas want to breastfeed, but they don’t have either the knowledge or the support to do it. When things start to become harder, sometimes those who should be the most supportive end up saying things like, “Maybe you should stop nursing.” “Maybe you should try a bottle of formula so you can get some sleep.” “Are you sure he/she is getting enough?” Unfortunately, in an attempt to help, statements like that can discourage a new, emotional mom even more. Neither of my nursing experiences have been easy or without struggle, so I thought maybe if I share mine they will encourage other moms out there to share theirs and support the new moms who are just trying to survive.

So, if you’re a family member or friend and you don’t really want to read about 2 years of nursing, this is your cue to stop. Everyone else, onward and upward.

Throughout my pregnancy, I had a few people ask me if I was planning to nurse my new baby. As most new moms who plan to nurse say, I also answered, “As long as I can, I plan to.” I read a few books on parenting, and in one book, I read that you should commit to nursing for at least six weeks before making a decision on whether or not to continue. I decided that I could make that commitment. After all, how hard could it be to nurse for six weeks, right?

I knew that if I was able to have a natural birth with no pain medications and no interventions, I had a better chance of having an awake and responsive baby. While I was pretty determined not to have an epidural, besides the fear of the needle in my back, my primary reason was that I was afraid it would interfere with nursing the baby. I also knew that it was important to nurse as soon as possible after birth, because some babies have a period of very heavy sleepiness that can last for quite a while.

When K was born, I had the natural birth I desired. He was born with the cord around his neck, but after the doctor did a little maneuvering, he was free and doing just fine. The nurses cleaned him up a little and brought him back to me. They asked if I wanted to nurse him and I said yes, so I tried to get him to latch on. In my mind, the process was about two steps long. One, I would offer my breast. Two, he would latch and nurse. Well, that didn’t happen quite that way. I offered, and he looked at me. With the nurse’s help, I tried for another 15-20 minutes to get him to latch, but he didn’t. The nurse told me that it wasn’t unusual for a baby not to latch right away, and so she said that I should try again in 3 hours. Since I was tired and needed a shower, I agreed. Jason held K as he slept, and I showered and moved to my new room.

Three hours later, we tried again. Still nothing. The nurse suggested I try a different position. I tried the football hold, the cradle hold, and side lying. None of those worked. At this point, I was starting to worry a little. I asked for a visit from the lactation consultant, but I was told she was unavailable. The nurses told me again that it wasn’t unusual for a baby not to eat much the first day, so I shouldn’t worry. I could just try again in three hours.

Again and again, we tried to nurse, but K was having none of it. He would open his mouth, but then he wouldn’t latch. He just didn’t seem interested. He would attempt to nurse for 15-20 minutes or as long as I could keep him awake, and then he would sleep until I woke him 3 hours later.

After a day and a half of this, one nurse felt that he was getting to a point where he needed to eat something soon. I began to pump after attempting to feed him each time, and I got some colostrum. Colostrum is what your body produces before your milk actually comes in. It’s yellow, thick, and full of antibodies. It’s wonderful for your baby. Because K wasn’t latching, we started giving the colostrum through a medicine dropper. I was getting about 10 ccs every 3 hours. After doing this a couple times, the nurse came back and told me that I really should give K some formula so he didn’t get dehydrated, because he needed more than what I was providing him. Both Jason and I were very frustrated, anxious, and upset. We had asked to see the lactation consultant a few more times on day two, and were told that she would come when she wasn’t so busy. She was also a NICU nurse and working on a mother pregnant with twins (31 weeks) to try to keep her from going into preterm labor.

So, with no idea what to do and no real help, we agreed to give some formula. The nurse offered K a bottle, and he latched on right away and sucked down about 2-3 ounces of formula. I cried for most of the feeding. We continued all night offering the breast every 3 hours and then I would pump and we would give whatever I pumped through a medicine dropper. Then, we’d give some formula from the dropper. Feedings were taking at least one and a half or two hours. So, after almost two hours, we’d go back to sleep for an hour and start all over with little or no success.

Finally, on the third day, the lactation consultant was able to come see me. She brought a nipple shield and a supplemental nursing system. A nipple shield is a small, thin, silicone shield that goes over the nipple so a baby can latch when he wouldn’t be able to otherwise. A supplemental nursing system is a contraption that goes around a mother’s neck, and then a tube goes down to the breast and the baby sucks on this little tube at the same time as the nipple. When she watched K attempt to latch, she told me that I had flat nipples and that was what was preventing him from latching. She showed me how to use the nipple shield, and FINALLY K latched. I was so happy. I couldn’t believe it.

Because he hadn’t been eating well, the pediatrician decided to admit K into peds, and Jason and I were able to stay in his room with him for another day to make sure he was still eating well. K was now latching, but we were still struggling a little bit. He was eating for 45 minutes or more on each side, and it was nearly impossible to keep him awake. After waking him, we had to change his diaper and take of his clothes to wake him up. Then, I fed him for about 1 1/2 hours before pumping for 15 minutes. Again, by the time I finished this process, there was less than an hour left before I had to wake him again for the next feeding. The good news though was that he wasn’t losting any more weight. He was finally eating, peeing, and pooping.

We went home, and feedings remained a challenge. K woke every 2 1/2 or 3 hours at night to eat, and feedings took at least an hour. During the day though, I had to wake him and struggled to get him to nurse every 3 hours.

That went on for about three months. During this time, I tried to get him to stop using the shield and nurse without, but he couldn’t or wouldn’t. Finally, one day, I was trying to get him to nurse when he was three months old, and he refused to latch. As a last resort, I took the shield off and offered the breast. He latched right on! I was so amazed. Another big change that day was that he went from taking 60+ minutes for a feeding to only needing 15-20 minutes. I even called my sister-in-law to ask her if that was normal. It was such a quick change that I wasn’t sure what to do, but I just decided to go with it.

At that point, my nursing goal became to make it to one year. Looking back, I can say that after that day when K was 3 months, we didn’t have many, if any, challenges for quite a while. A week before Kael turned one, he got the rotavirus. He also ended up with an ear infection from it. During that time, he didn’t want anything to eat or drink. He only nursed. I am confident that nursing is what kept him from becoming dehydrated.

When he turned one, I knew that I had made my goal of nursing for a year, but other than that nothing else seemed to have changed, so I wasn’t sure why I would choose to wean at that point. So, I didn’t. A week later, I found out I was pregnant with A, and knowing that 70% of babies who are nursing during pregnancy self-wean before the next baby is born, I decided to let K make the decision about whether to continue nursing or not.

For the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy with A, I didn’t find much difference in my nursing relationship with K. He nursed 4 predictable times a day. He nursed first thing in the morning, noonish, 4 o’clockish, and before bed. However, right around 20 weeks, my milk supply dropped drastically. It was a very hard time for K. He went from nursing 4 times a day for 15 minutes to nursing almost all day long. He would ask to nurse and he would latch on and nurse for an hour or more at a time. I knew that at this point nursing was as important for security as it was for nutrition, so I allowed him to nurse as much as he wanted. Some days, I think he nursed more of his waking time than he did anything else.

By about 30 weeks, I knew I had to talk to my doctor about my contractions. I was having braxton hicks contractions all day long and especially while nursing. I was having 30 or more contractions a day. Some days they were as close as 2-3 minutes apart, but they never lasted very long. When I did bring it up with my doctor, she did a test for preterm labor and ordered an ultrasound to check my cervix. Both came back with reassuring results. I was negative for preterm labor, and my cervix was normal, long, and closed. I was okay to continue nursing.

I did limit K’s nursing a little after this point. Since he had been born at 36 weeks, I was concerned about another early baby. Also, the closer I got to my due date, the stronger the contractions while nursing got. At some points, the contractions were so strong that I had to hold my ribs and breathe very shallow to manage the pain.

At about 33 weeks, K started nursing less. In fact, in May (A was due in July), he went an entire day without nursing for the first time in his life. After that point, he would often go 2-3 days without nursing, then, nurse 4 times in a day. I had decided at that point to let him do whatever he wanted. I didn’t offer to nurse, but I didn’t refuse when he asked.

A was born three days after his due date, so I did not have a second early baby. A was also 9 pounds 12 ounces, so apparently nursing K during the pregnancy didn’t keep A from getting the nutrients he needed to grow and gain weight. While I was in the hospital, K didn’t ask to nurse and I didn’t offer.

When I got home from the hospital with A, he again didn’t ask to nurse. I waited a day or two, and finally, I was so engorged one day I asked if he wanted to nurse and he did. When he realized that my milk was back, his eyes got wide and he just melted. It was everything I’d hoped for.

Unfortunately, K got a pretty nasty cold right away after A was born. So, as I was dealing with trying to learn to nurse A (which is another story in itself), K was trying to nurse with a plugged nose. He was so excited to have milk again that he was nursing as much as A some days. When he was sick, he would latch, and start nursing. Then, when he had to breathe, instead of unlatching and breathing, he would hold my nipple with his teeth to take a breath. Very uncomfortable, bordering on painful. He also had some issues with jealousy of A nursing. He never seemed upset at the baby or mad at him, but often, when I was nursing A, he would stand on my feet and cry as he waited for his turn.

Slowly, we got into a routine where K was less upset with A nursing. I think he realized that there was still milk even if A did nurse first. He still gets upset while waiting for his turn some days, but that’s not nearly as common as it was even a month ago.

K still nurses several times a day. Some days, he nurses as often as A does, but again, I’ve chosen not to limit his nursing. I feel like he’s had to grow up a bit more quickly than he would have otherwise since we chose to have another baby so close to him in age. I believe that if I allow him to control the nursing relationship, he will be able to make developmentally appropriate choices for when to nurse, how often to nurse, and when to stop.

So, that’s K’s nursing story. As hard as it was in the beginning, I’m not sure I would change anything, because if I did, I don’t know where we would be now because of the changes. I feel like where we are right now is a pretty good place to be.

Since I have been about 20 weeks pregnant, I could tell that my milk supply has been dipping more and more. My little milk man was still determined to continue nursing though. He nursed several times a day at that point. Steadily, though, he has decreased his nursing over the past weeks until he was down to one or two times a day pretty consistently. Well, the weekend of May 12 and 13, my family was in town, and with all the commotion of having them here, my little milk man seemed to forget about nursing. May 14th was the first day in his life that he went an entire day without nursing. He did nurse the next day though, so I thought maybe he would slowly cut out that last session.

Well, this week, he went from Sunday, May 20th until today without nursing. Imagine my surprise when this morning after I got him from his crib, the first thing he did was look at me and do the milk sign!

So, when do I say he officially weaned? I have no idea, but I do know that I will let him nurse as long as he keeps asking. Just for my own purposes, I would love it if he could make it until June 3rd, so I can say that he nursed for 19 months. I do know now that each time he nurses, I try to remember every minute of it. I realize that each time that could be the last time we ever do that, and I won’t know it at the time. I’ll only be able to look back and realize it later.

Can I breastfeed while pregnant? Well, I can. Can you? Chances are you may have been told no. Chances are good that the answer is actually yes. Many women are told by well meaning friends, family, or doctors that when they get pregnant, they must wean their nursling immediately or risk having the unborn baby lack essential nutrients. This is not the case. If there are risks, they generally come when a pregnant mother is nursing a baby who is younger than 9 (or so) months. This is because the mother’s milk often changes flavor due to hormones. It can also change to colostrum or mom’s supply can drop. If you are nursing a young baby while pregnant, be sure you’re paying close attention to diaper output. Your baby should be wetting at least 4-5 diapers a day. If your baby is older than 6 weeks, he should be pooping on a regular basis. For some babies, regular is once every three days. For others, it’s once every 4 hours. Diaper output is a quick and easy way to determine how your baby is doing.

Currently, I have a 16 month old son who is nursing 2-3 times a day, and I am 22 weeks pregnant with our second child. Before my husband and I started trying to conceive our second child, I did a fair amount of research on the subject of tandem nursing and nursing while pregnant. Kellymom.com, the La Leche League, Dr. Sears, and Dr. Greene all have great information for moms who are looking for information and answers to their questions about nursing a toddler while pregnant.

During my pregnancy with my son, I suffered almost no morning sickness, so when I started having some mild to moderate morning sickness with this pregnancy, I worried a little bit that Baby wouldn’t be getting what he or she needed and that my milk supply would drop due to a lack of calories and fluid intake. Because of this, I made an appointment with a registered dietician at my clinic to discuss what would be necessary to make sure all three of us got what we needed during the pregnancy.

However, as much as I want to encourage you to keep breastfeeding if that’s what you want, there are a couple situations in which you should talk to your doctor and may have to wean. If you have had preterm labor (going into labor prior to 37 weeks), you should talk to your doctor and a lactation consultant about your choices. Also, if you have had multiple miscarriages, it’s also a good idea to talk to your doctor when making this decision.

The other situation is that it’s possible some women want to wean at the beginning of their pregnancy to have a bit of a break before starting to breastfeed again when their babies are born. That’s fine, and in my opinion you should not feel guilty about making that choice either. The most important thing a mom can do for her children is to take care of herself. If she doesn’t take care of herself, she will not have as much energy to take care of them. If breastfeeding is no longer the best choice for you, check out the weaning ideas and strategies to help you get started on that track.