I’m about 10 min­utes late post­ing today’s (yesterday’s?) post.  I spent the evening cel­e­brat­ing the 30th birth­day of a great friend and just got home.  Happy Birth­day, Friend!

Instead of try­ing to think of some­thing super inter­est­ing to post tonight, I thought I would post links to some char­i­ties that we believe in and have sup­ported over the years:

Com­pas­sion International

Heifer Inter­na­tional

Samaritan’s Purse

Show Hope

I hope you have a great hol­i­day with lots of friends, fam­ily, football, and food!  I’ll have to blog about my first veg­e­tar­ian Thanks­giv­ing some time this week or next.  I hope you all had a great day.

I have heard adults talk­ing to each other and to kids many times about the dif­fer­ence between tat­tling and telling.  These same adults often say, “Kids need to learn to work it out on their own.”  For those who don’t know, the dif­fer­ence between tat­tling and telling is that telling hap­pens when some­one is in dan­ger or hurt.  Tat­tling is the other stuff.  I used to say this to kids when I was teach­ing, too.

Now that I have my own chil­dren, I’m ques­tion­ing the wis­dom in this phi­los­o­phy.  First, are we really ask­ing kids to know and judge in advance some­thing that might be harm­ful or dan­ger­ous?  My kids are 2 and 4, and fairly reg­u­larly my 4 year old does some­thing which I would con­sider to be unsafe.  I don’t think he’s pur­posely out there look­ing for things to do that might hurt him, his brother or his friend, but he is still find­ing them.  The other (main) prob­lem I have with this phi­los­o­phy is the idea that kids will learn to work things out on their own.

It has been my expe­ri­ence that unless kids are taught these behav­iors and words,  and they are mod­eled and used repeat­edly, the big­ger, more aggres­sive, or older child will often get his or her way.  This doesn’t often seem to hap­pen with a calm exchange of words.  More often than not, it is done in a way which I would con­sider to be unkind or unde­sir­able (as far as social norms go).

So, as much as it is frus­trat­ing and at times annoy­ing to stop what I’m doing each time my kids have an instance which leaves one or both upset, I think it is very much worth my time to go to them, model the words they can use (or help them come up with their own words), and help them work towards a res­o­lu­tion, I think it is worth it.  We don’t expect adults to have the skills to work things out on their own when a sit­u­a­tion becomes very intense or heated.  I know many adults who have sought coun­sel­ing either indi­vid­u­ally or as a couple/group for sit­u­a­tions which were not eas­ily resolved.  Why is it we expect chil­dren to be able to iden­tify these sit­u­a­tions and work on them with­out our input?

Zrecs is an amaz­ing web­site!  They have reviews and infor­ma­tion on tons of kids prod­ucts and issues relat­ing to chil­dren.  This hol­i­day sea­son, they are post­ing a Hol­i­day Gift Guide.  The Best Soft Toys were too cute not to share!  If any­one was ask­ing, I like the Organic Sleepy Bear the best.

Wel­come to the Novem­ber Breast­feed­ing Carnival!

Dur­ing my first preg­nancy, I knew right away I wanted to breast­feed.  I don’t know why.  I just did.  It seemed nat­ural (and inex­pen­sive).  As my due date grew closer, I started to get ner­vous.  I started to ques­tion my deci­sion and think things like ‘maybe I’ll breast­feed if it works’ or ‘I’ll see how it goes.’  As I became more and more anx­ious about it, I decided to take con­trol of my anx­i­ety and instead of only fret­ting, I fret­ted and read.  I read books (which I would not rec­om­mend so I won’t link to them).  I read web­sites.  I sought out mes­sage boards.  I asked my mom about nurs­ing.  I had known she had nursed me to about 18 months and my brother until he was almost 3.  She encour­aged me to find a La Leche League group close to me, but I hes­i­tated.  That seemed like a lit­tle too much.  Why would I go when I didn’t even have a baby?  I also took my hospital’s breast­feed­ing class.

The class was a review of every­thing I already knew.

• Some women have a hard time get­ting started but it’s worth it.
• If some babies don’t latch in one posi­tion, try another.
• Be care­ful intro­duc­ing bot­tles.  They can cause nip­ple confusion.
• Buy some nurs­ing bras.
• If you have trou­ble, ask for a lac­ta­tion consultant.

K’s Hos­pi­tal Stay
My first sur­prise in breast­feed­ing came when K, my son, came 4 weeks early.  When he was born, he had no desire to suck, and he had a small mouth.  I did as I had read.  When I had trou­ble, I asked for a Lac­ta­tion Con­sul­tant (LC).  Unfor­tu­nately, in my hos­pi­tal, LCs are also NICU nurses.  Unfor­tu­nately, there was a mom preg­nant with twins in pre­ma­ture labor, and the LC was needed to help her keep from deliv­er­ing those pre­cious babies at 31 weeks.  This meant that I didn’t have a LC to help me.  What I had was a baby who was jaun­diced and didn’t want to eat.  He seemed to have no suck­ing reflex, and he was extremely sleepy.  After about a day of pump­ing my colostrum and get­ting very lit­tle, a nurse told me, “He’s gotta eat some­thing, and his suck is worse than pathetic.”  She took him and fed him his first bot­tle of for­mula as I cried about how I had just ruined my chances of suc­cess­ful breast­feed­ing.  My hus­band tried to com­fort me, but he was as upset as I was.  Nei­ther of us had dis­cussed a pas­sion­ate desire to breast­feed, but once I had my lit­tle guy in my arms, I knew I *had* to breast­feed him.  That night, Jason and I got up every 3 hours.  I attempted to nurse K for 15 min­utes.  K refused the breast.  I pumped and Jason fed K my colostrum with a med­i­cine drop­per and fol­lowed it up with an ounce of for­mula.  By the time we had fin­ished that and washed the pump parts, we had about an hour to sleep before it was time to start wak­ing K again.  To say we were feel­ing dis­cour­aged is a major understatement.

The next day, the lac­ta­tion con­sul­tant came to my room.  She watched K attempt to nurse, and she gave me a nip­ple shield.  Not know­ing any­thing about the con­tro­versy that sur­rounds their use, I popped it on.  It was almost instantly suc­cess­ful for me.  K latched and started nurs­ing and nurs­ing and nurs­ing and nurs­ing.  I was ecsta­tic think­ing that I had man­aged to find a way to con­tinue our nurs­ing rela­tion­ship!  We ended up stay­ing another day in the hos­pi­tal in pedi­atrics so his weight could be mon­i­tored, but we didn’t have any other issues there.  Peo­ple who have read my blog know that K just turned 4 and is still nurs­ing, so I would say that despite our rocky begin­ning, we have expe­ri­enced much suc­cess in our relationship!

A’s Hos­pi­tal Stay
Fast for­ward about 20 months, and I found myself back in the hos­pi­tal with a new baby.  I was pretty con­fi­dent that #2 was going to be a much bet­ter nurser than my first had been.  I was an expert!  I was still nurs­ing K, and we had been through quite a few dif­fi­cul­ties.  When A was born, I knew that I was going to nurse him on demand.  Even though K had been sleepy and nursed every 3 hours, I knew that it was likely that A would have a dif­fer­ent sched­ule.  And, I was right!  From the time A was born, he nursed often and very quickly.  He nursed about every hour to hour and fif­teen min­utes, but unlike K who nursed for 45 min­utes at a time, A was done in 5 min­utes.  I didn’t have any prob­lems or con­cerns about his sched­ule.  I fig­ured that as long as I was offer­ing fre­quently and he was nurs­ing, we were fine.  Unfor­tu­nately, I wasn’t pre­pared for a big (9 pounds 12 ounces), over­due (3 days past due date) baby who had trou­ble latch­ing!  Unlike K, A seemed to like to suck.  He seemed to be suck­ing on his own tongue, and he had a hard time chang­ing that suck in order to latch when it was time for nurs­ing.  When the LC came to visit me, I told her about my obser­va­tions and asked her for advice.  She said that I should just keep try­ing, and she was so excited I was an expe­ri­enced nurser.  Look­ing back, I think she was prob­a­bly very busy and pulled in sev­eral direc­tions with all of her respon­si­bil­ties.  At the time, I was so dis­mayed that I was hav­ing these dif­fi­cul­ties I had not antic­i­pated that I couldn’t even express my need for help.

Because of A’s fast labor and deliv­ery, he had some health prob­lems after birth.  He and I were sep­a­rated for hours at a time while he was in NICU for obser­va­tion both nights we were in the L&D room.  Dur­ing the days, he con­tin­ued to strug­gle with nurs­ing.  It took me at least 10 or 15 min­utes to get him to latch.  He often cried through the process.  He would then latch and nurse for 5 min­utes on one side only!

A and I con­tin­ued our nurs­ing rela­tion­ship.  I con­tin­ued work­ing with him through the strug­gles, and he and I have also been quite suc­cess­ful in our rela­tion­ship.  He is nurs­ing on demand dur­ing the day and occa­sion­ally at night.

Look­ing back, I real­ize that dur­ing those days in the hos­pi­tal, I was tired.  I was a new mom.  I was emo­tional.  I was upset and frus­trated that the beau­ti­ful rela­tion­ship hadn’t turned out as I had envi­sioned.  I do think that there are sig­nif­i­cant ben­e­fits to moms, babies, and hos­pi­tals if breast­feed­ing sup­port is avail­able for moms when they want and need it.  How­ever, I think that while hos­pi­tals *should* have good sup­port, the real­ity is that not all of them do.  There are doc­tors who don’t have an opin­ion one way or the other on nurs­ing.  There are nurses who pre­fer that a mom choose for­mula because it is eas­ier when the nurse already has so many patients to care for.  There are both doc­tors and nurses who have never nursed a child nor have they received any infor­ma­tion or train­ing in sup­port­ing a breast­feed­ing mom.  Those are the real­i­ties.  While we can con­tinue to work to change that sit­u­a­tion, until then I think it’s impor­tant that moms are aware of the sit­u­a­tions they might encounter in the hos­pi­tals.  If I could pass on one piece of advice to a mom-to-be, it would be to take the num­ber of a friend who has worked through nurs­ing trou­bles.  Call her.  Talk with her.  She might not know the answers to your ques­tions or your prob­lems, but she might know how to help you find them.  She might not know what you’re going through, but she might know how you’re feel­ing.  She might not be able to help you get your baby to nurse with­out trou­bles, but she can be the friend to come beside you and walk with you dur­ing a time that is already so full of new expe­ri­ences an old friend will be all the more important!

Here are the other par­tic­i­pants in the Novem­ber Breast­feed­ing Car­ni­val (list will be updated through­out the day):

Angela @ Breast­feed­ing 1–2-3

Christina @ The Milk Mama

Rebekah @ Mama’s Angel

Lau­ren @ Hobo Mama

Whozat @ Whozatshrike

Tanya @ Moth­er­wear Blog

Sinead @ Breast­feed­ing Mums

I can­not find a good recipe!  If any­one has a great (veg­e­tar­ian) lentil soup recipe, please let me know.  Tonight, I made Deb­o­rah Madison’s Hearty Lentil Soup, and it was alright, but it wasn’t great.  I have made a cou­ple other recipes in the past, and I find it is miss­ing a depth in taste.  Any leads, sug­ges­tions, or ideas are appreciated.

Why is it that if I can do some­thing, I leave many projects unfin­ished and books unread?  If I can­not do some­thing, I want to keep try­ing.  Right now, I can’t get my mind of run­ning.  I am not a run­ner.  I do not run fast nor am I very good at it.  I have some sort of exer­cised induced asthma, and I can­not seem to get myself past two miles.  Yet, I keep find­ing myself want­ing to try again.

I ran (and walked) a 5K in May.  I started the Couch to 5k plan a few times.  I have never fin­ished it.  I started run­ning again this sum­mer.  I ran/walked around our block (about 1 mile per lap) twice.  I felt great after I fin­ished, but the next morn­ing I woke up with heels that were so sore I could barely walk.  I was sore and lim­ited in my exer­cise and even walk­ing for about the next 4 or 5 *weeks*!  After that, I took another hia­tus.  I can­not get run­ning out of my mind.  I never thought I would be a run­ner.  I have never thought of myself as a run­ner, but for some rea­son I want to become what I have never been.

Here are my guys wear­ing their vests. This was our night of prac­tice for our fam­ily photos.

Today is one of those days.  Nor­mally, when I say “one of those days” I mean a day when one child man­ages to pee on the floor NEXT TO the potty or when some­one dumps a pot of tepid cof­fee on the floor or when a child throws away an impor­tant part of a carseat and your hus­band ends up jump­ing into the dump­ster to recover it.  Today I mean it is one of those days when I look at my kids and I am filled with love for them.  I want to kiss them.  I want to hug them.  I want every­one who has ever seen them in a lesser cute moment to see them right now.  I want them to know I love them SO much, and that I am so blessed to be their mother.  Some days I feel inad­e­quate in my abil­ity to par­ent them and deal with the dis­ci­pline issues that come up.  Today I feel inad­e­quate and so unwor­thy of hav­ing such beau­ti­ful chil­dren.  I love it when it is one of these days.

I’m not sure if you’ll notice, but we are try­ing out a new cook book! 

Thurs­day: Pizza

Fri­day:  Cau­li­flower Gratin with Toma­toes and Feta (From Deb­o­rah Madison’s Veg­e­tar­ian Cook­ing for Everyone)

Sat­ur­day:
Lunch:  Car­rot and Red Pep­per Soup (From Deb­o­rah Madison’s Veg­e­tar­ian Cook­ing for Every­one)
Sup­per:  Fish  (I’ll be gone, so Jason and the boys will be eat­ing this when I’m not around to com­plain about the smell)

Sun­day:
Lunch:  Apple Cin­na­mon Pan­cakes (From Deb­o­rah Madison’s Veg­e­tar­ian Cook­ing for Every­one)
Sup­per:  Lentil Mine­strone (From Deb­o­rah Madison’s Veg­e­tar­ian Cook­ing for Everyone)

Mon­day:  Rice and eggs with pesto, pine nuts, and toma­toes (From Deb­o­rah Madison’s Veg­e­tar­ian Cook­ing for Everyone)

Tues­day:  Spaghetti with Gar­lic, Pars­ley, and Bread Crumbs (From Deb­o­rah Madison’s Veg­e­tar­ian Cook­ing for Everyone)

Wednes­day:  Empanadas with Greens and Olives (From Deb­o­rah Madison’s Veg­e­tar­ian Cook­ing for Everyone)