About a month ago, Jason, my husband started running on our treadmill every other day. He started off running two miles and is up to three and a half as of Saturday. Now, I have never had much desire to run. Occasionally, I lose my mind, and it sounds like something I would enjoy. However, in my saner moments, I know that it is not something I want to do. In fact, I almost shudder when I think about it. Even though I would find reading the dictionary to be easier and more enjoyable, I’m really proud of him for making this commitment and sticking with it. Ever since my parents have known Jason, they have said over and over again how he is the most patient person they’ve ever met. One conversation that I recall with my dad happened after a long, hot game of golf. I think that his patience plays a big part in his ability to be dedicated to a goal that he has. Me, not so much patience and not so much dedication, unfortunately.

Recently, one night when A wasn’t sleeping and Jason was getting ready to go run, I got grumpy about his running. I stood in the shower and stewed about it. I had myself convinced that he was being selfish and choosing his own desires over being with me or the boys. I was pretty mad at him. In fact, by the end of my shower, I was ready to sit him down and let him know that right now we just don’t have the time for him to be running. He needs to spend all of his evening time with me, with A, or doing work. (How terrible does that sound?) Suddenly, I realized just what I was going to tell him. I really felt like God was asking me to dig deeper and figure out where my feelings were coming from. So, I spent some more time thinking about it.

I came to the realization that me being mad about his running had nothing to do with him. Not so surprisingly, it was about me! I was mad that he was able to stay so dedicated and committed to running when it’s something that is very hard for me. I start new projects and hobbies quite frequently. I’m currently crocheting and quilting blankets. I also have terra cotta pots and paint in the garage. I have tons and tons of unread books. I have a blog that I don’t update nearly as often as I should. I have also started reading my Bible-in-a-year at least 4 different times, and I could go on and on! Persistence is not one of my strengths unfortunately.

My first instinct when I figured out why it was bothering me so much was to go out and make some big commitments to prove to myself that I can in fact stick with what I start. I’m not so sure that’s the wisest thing to do though. After some more thought, I think what I’ll do is take some time decide where I really do want to spend my time and energy. Then, I’ll commit to doing those things instead of jumping onto the next fun idea that comes by.