Many times on blogs and forums, I’ve read people share their birth stories, but I rarely read anyone’s nursing story. As much as my kids’ birth stories are amazing and wonderful and exciting, to me, so are their nursing stories. Many mamas want to breastfeed, but they don’t have either the knowledge or the support to do it. When things start to become harder, sometimes those who should be the most supportive end up saying things like, “Maybe you should stop nursing.” “Maybe you should try a bottle of formula so you can get some sleep.” “Are you sure he/she is getting enough?” Unfortunately, in an attempt to help, statements like that can discourage a new, emotional mom even more. Neither of my nursing experiences have been easy or without struggle, so I thought maybe if I share mine they will encourage other moms out there to share theirs and support the new moms who are just trying to survive.

So, if you’re a family member or friend and you don’t really want to read about 2 years of nursing, this is your cue to stop. Everyone else, onward and upward.

Throughout my pregnancy, I had a few people ask me if I was planning to nurse my new baby. As most new moms who plan to nurse say, I also answered, “As long as I can, I plan to.” I read a few books on parenting, and in one book, I read that you should commit to nursing for at least six weeks before making a decision on whether or not to continue. I decided that I could make that commitment. After all, how hard could it be to nurse for six weeks, right?

I knew that if I was able to have a natural birth with no pain medications and no interventions, I had a better chance of having an awake and responsive baby. While I was pretty determined not to have an epidural, besides the fear of the needle in my back, my primary reason was that I was afraid it would interfere with nursing the baby. I also knew that it was important to nurse as soon as possible after birth, because some babies have a period of very heavy sleepiness that can last for quite a while.

When K was born, I had the natural birth I desired. He was born with the cord around his neck, but after the doctor did a little maneuvering, he was free and doing just fine. The nurses cleaned him up a little and brought him back to me. They asked if I wanted to nurse him and I said yes, so I tried to get him to latch on. In my mind, the process was about two steps long. One, I would offer my breast. Two, he would latch and nurse. Well, that didn’t happen quite that way. I offered, and he looked at me. With the nurse’s help, I tried for another 15-20 minutes to get him to latch, but he didn’t. The nurse told me that it wasn’t unusual for a baby not to latch right away, and so she said that I should try again in 3 hours. Since I was tired and needed a shower, I agreed. Jason held K as he slept, and I showered and moved to my new room.

Three hours later, we tried again. Still nothing. The nurse suggested I try a different position. I tried the football hold, the cradle hold, and side lying. None of those worked. At this point, I was starting to worry a little. I asked for a visit from the lactation consultant, but I was told she was unavailable. The nurses told me again that it wasn’t unusual for a baby not to eat much the first day, so I shouldn’t worry. I could just try again in three hours.

Again and again, we tried to nurse, but K was having none of it. He would open his mouth, but then he wouldn’t latch. He just didn’t seem interested. He would attempt to nurse for 15-20 minutes or as long as I could keep him awake, and then he would sleep until I woke him 3 hours later.

After a day and a half of this, one nurse felt that he was getting to a point where he needed to eat something soon. I began to pump after attempting to feed him each time, and I got some colostrum. Colostrum is what your body produces before your milk actually comes in. It’s yellow, thick, and full of antibodies. It’s wonderful for your baby. Because K wasn’t latching, we started giving the colostrum through a medicine dropper. I was getting about 10 ccs every 3 hours. After doing this a couple times, the nurse came back and told me that I really should give K some formula so he didn’t get dehydrated, because he needed more than what I was providing him. Both Jason and I were very frustrated, anxious, and upset. We had asked to see the lactation consultant a few more times on day two, and were told that she would come when she wasn’t so busy. She was also a NICU nurse and working on a mother pregnant with twins (31 weeks) to try to keep her from going into preterm labor.

So, with no idea what to do and no real help, we agreed to give some formula. The nurse offered K a bottle, and he latched on right away and sucked down about 2-3 ounces of formula. I cried for most of the feeding. We continued all night offering the breast every 3 hours and then I would pump and we would give whatever I pumped through a medicine dropper. Then, we’d give some formula from the dropper. Feedings were taking at least one and a half or two hours. So, after almost two hours, we’d go back to sleep for an hour and start all over with little or no success.

Finally, on the third day, the lactation consultant was able to come see me. She brought a nipple shield and a supplemental nursing system. A nipple shield is a small, thin, silicone shield that goes over the nipple so a baby can latch when he wouldn’t be able to otherwise. A supplemental nursing system is a contraption that goes around a mother’s neck, and then a tube goes down to the breast and the baby sucks on this little tube at the same time as the nipple. When she watched K attempt to latch, she told me that I had flat nipples and that was what was preventing him from latching. She showed me how to use the nipple shield, and FINALLY K latched. I was so happy. I couldn’t believe it.

Because he hadn’t been eating well, the pediatrician decided to admit K into peds, and Jason and I were able to stay in his room with him for another day to make sure he was still eating well. K was now latching, but we were still struggling a little bit. He was eating for 45 minutes or more on each side, and it was nearly impossible to keep him awake. After waking him, we had to change his diaper and take of his clothes to wake him up. Then, I fed him for about 1 1/2 hours before pumping for 15 minutes. Again, by the time I finished this process, there was less than an hour left before I had to wake him again for the next feeding. The good news though was that he wasn’t losting any more weight. He was finally eating, peeing, and pooping.

We went home, and feedings remained a challenge. K woke every 2 1/2 or 3 hours at night to eat, and feedings took at least an hour. During the day though, I had to wake him and struggled to get him to nurse every 3 hours.

That went on for about three months. During this time, I tried to get him to stop using the shield and nurse without, but he couldn’t or wouldn’t. Finally, one day, I was trying to get him to nurse when he was three months old, and he refused to latch. As a last resort, I took the shield off and offered the breast. He latched right on! I was so amazed. Another big change that day was that he went from taking 60+ minutes for a feeding to only needing 15-20 minutes. I even called my sister-in-law to ask her if that was normal. It was such a quick change that I wasn’t sure what to do, but I just decided to go with it.

At that point, my nursing goal became to make it to one year. Looking back, I can say that after that day when K was 3 months, we didn’t have many, if any, challenges for quite a while. A week before Kael turned one, he got the rotavirus. He also ended up with an ear infection from it. During that time, he didn’t want anything to eat or drink. He only nursed. I am confident that nursing is what kept him from becoming dehydrated.

When he turned one, I knew that I had made my goal of nursing for a year, but other than that nothing else seemed to have changed, so I wasn’t sure why I would choose to wean at that point. So, I didn’t. A week later, I found out I was pregnant with A, and knowing that 70% of babies who are nursing during pregnancy self-wean before the next baby is born, I decided to let K make the decision about whether to continue nursing or not.

For the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy with A, I didn’t find much difference in my nursing relationship with K. He nursed 4 predictable times a day. He nursed first thing in the morning, noonish, 4 o’clockish, and before bed. However, right around 20 weeks, my milk supply dropped drastically. It was a very hard time for K. He went from nursing 4 times a day for 15 minutes to nursing almost all day long. He would ask to nurse and he would latch on and nurse for an hour or more at a time. I knew that at this point nursing was as important for security as it was for nutrition, so I allowed him to nurse as much as he wanted. Some days, I think he nursed more of his waking time than he did anything else.

By about 30 weeks, I knew I had to talk to my doctor about my contractions. I was having braxton hicks contractions all day long and especially while nursing. I was having 30 or more contractions a day. Some days they were as close as 2-3 minutes apart, but they never lasted very long. When I did bring it up with my doctor, she did a test for preterm labor and ordered an ultrasound to check my cervix. Both came back with reassuring results. I was negative for preterm labor, and my cervix was normal, long, and closed. I was okay to continue nursing.

I did limit K’s nursing a little after this point. Since he had been born at 36 weeks, I was concerned about another early baby. Also, the closer I got to my due date, the stronger the contractions while nursing got. At some points, the contractions were so strong that I had to hold my ribs and breathe very shallow to manage the pain.

At about 33 weeks, K started nursing less. In fact, in May (A was due in July), he went an entire day without nursing for the first time in his life. After that point, he would often go 2-3 days without nursing, then, nurse 4 times in a day. I had decided at that point to let him do whatever he wanted. I didn’t offer to nurse, but I didn’t refuse when he asked.

A was born three days after his due date, so I did not have a second early baby. A was also 9 pounds 12 ounces, so apparently nursing K during the pregnancy didn’t keep A from getting the nutrients he needed to grow and gain weight. While I was in the hospital, K didn’t ask to nurse and I didn’t offer.

When I got home from the hospital with A, he again didn’t ask to nurse. I waited a day or two, and finally, I was so engorged one day I asked if he wanted to nurse and he did. When he realized that my milk was back, his eyes got wide and he just melted. It was everything I’d hoped for.

Unfortunately, K got a pretty nasty cold right away after A was born. So, as I was dealing with trying to learn to nurse A (which is another story in itself), K was trying to nurse with a plugged nose. He was so excited to have milk again that he was nursing as much as A some days. When he was sick, he would latch, and start nursing. Then, when he had to breathe, instead of unlatching and breathing, he would hold my nipple with his teeth to take a breath. Very uncomfortable, bordering on painful. He also had some issues with jealousy of A nursing. He never seemed upset at the baby or mad at him, but often, when I was nursing A, he would stand on my feet and cry as he waited for his turn.

Slowly, we got into a routine where K was less upset with A nursing. I think he realized that there was still milk even if A did nurse first. He still gets upset while waiting for his turn some days, but that’s not nearly as common as it was even a month ago.

K still nurses several times a day. Some days, he nurses as often as A does, but again, I’ve chosen not to limit his nursing. I feel like he’s had to grow up a bit more quickly than he would have otherwise since we chose to have another baby so close to him in age. I believe that if I allow him to control the nursing relationship, he will be able to make developmentally appropriate choices for when to nurse, how often to nurse, and when to stop.

So, that’s K’s nursing story. As hard as it was in the beginning, I’m not sure I would change anything, because if I did, I don’t know where we would be now because of the changes. I feel like where we are right now is a pretty good place to be.