You are conscientious and you care about the people around you. That makes a good neighbor.

I do agree with the kill them with kindness suggestion. Or ask the neighbor that you know well if they have a suggestion for dealing with the situation.

Good luck!

Do I think you are overly sensitive? No, I think you are experiencing your own point of view. When my neighbor decided to blast his radio it pissed me off. Was he entitled to play his radio loud in the middle of the day? Probably. Did I think he was inconsiderate of his neighbors? Yes. But at the same time I’ve been that guy who says “Oh, it’s just kids being kids” when my own kids are making a bit of a public ruckus. So I know how we always feel justified — whichever side of the issue we find ourselves on. Maybe you feel like “We’re a normal family and the kids are being normal and no one is doing anything wrong so why is she picking on me?” And maybe she feels like “I had a nice quiet life until those kids moved in.”

Dennis was a menace and Mr. Wilson was a grump. Both were true.

The question is what to do about it. I agree with another commenter who said “Kill em with kindness.” If somehow these ladies could get to know you and your kids I bet the issue would go away.

I realize that it seems like a lot of denial. I’m not denying that they play during the day. I’m not denying that they are louder than she would like. However, in reading your first post, I got the impression that there was no way she could be unrealistic in her expectations. I also got the impression that you think I am overly sensitive. I am sensitive. I may even be overly sensitive. However, it appears the unwritten rule about kids not being appreciated here is known by many, just not us. One day I was having blood drawn at the hospital, and my phlebotomist noticed my address. I had mentioned having kids, and she said, “How is it living with kids there?” Because I live in a smaller town, I didn’t say much. I said that it’s a good location near a park, etc. She said, “I’ve heard that people there don’t like kids.”

Also, as I said in a previous comment, I know for sure that my side of the story isn’t 100% accurate. There are always 3 stories and only one is reality. This is my blog. It’s a place for me to vent and a place for me to share my thoughts. If you wanted to give advice, maybe you could have asked what we’d tried first.

Now it is entirely possible that she IS crazy neighbor lady and hates kids and will blame the rain on them if given the chance. In that case there’s nothing you can do. Which is I guess the point you were trying to make originally. “Nothing I can do. How do I cope with that?” If there really is nothing you can do (and only you can make that determination) then in situations like that I like to remember that there were people who hated the Buddha; there were people who hated Jesus. If THOSE guys couldn’t please everyone then maybe we shouldn’t be to hard on ourselves.

Peter– I think it is interesting that you immediately jumped to the conclusion that I am either unfamiliar with living in apartments or uncaring of my neighbors. We have actually been told that there are several people who live her who wish children would not live here. In the past 12 years, my family and I have spent 9 of the 12 in one apartment or another. I have had many different neighbors, and I have dealt with one complaint from a neighbor prior to this. We also currently have a child living above us, and we are aware what the sound is like when he is playing or jumping.

I also think it’s interesting that you assume that it is my choice to be perceived one way or another. In the same apartment building, we have had several people comment on our nice, kind, well behaved children. Our neighbor who lives directly next to our living room (where we spend most of our time) has said many times she barely hears anything from us. We check with her, and she tells us that it is fine for her. It is two people in particular who seem to be having issues. One lives below us, and the other doesn’t live anywhere near us. Neither person has any example of a particular time when our children were making excess noise or a lot of noise for a long period of time. The one time our neighbor spoke to me, she told me they were too loud at 10:30 p.m. At that point, my kids had been sleeping for 1 1/2 hours. My husband was home, and I was gone. I can do what is within my power. I can and do talk with my children about their actions. They know not to touch other people’s doors in the hallways. They know that running, jumping, and yelling are outside games/activities. They know that there are people living all around us. I have also attempted to talk with our neighbor a couple times, however, it seems that unless she wants to approach me, she refuses to talk as she will not answer the door nor will she respond to any notes of inquiry asking how we are doing. I can only do what I can do.

Susan– We have mostly carpet. There is linoleum in the kitchen and dining area, but we only eat there. We don’t play there or do much else there. Thanks for the thoughts! I’m hoping the next 18(?) months go quickly!

Courtney– I’m not even looking for people to take sides! I understand that there are three versions of the story, our neighbors, mine, and reality. I know we are not at all the perfect neighbors. I just want to open a line of communication. I would like for her to say, “It’s been noisier than usual in the afternoon” or “I have to be up late for xyz reason, and I need my sleep in the morning.” In those cases, I would have some sort of reference for the problem. At this point, it seems like simply having children is the problem.

If I was in this situation (and I know I would be feeling EXACTLY like you are feeling), I would bake some homemade bread or muffins or a cake or something, take it to the neighbor across the hall, the one who ignored you, the one right below you, maybe even take your boys with you, and then just kill them with kindness. Maybe say things like, “I know we must be very loud at times…I just want you to know that I am definitely aware of it and working to keep it down…I know we must be disturbing you and we are very sorry…”

Maybe they will be so taken aback by your openness that they will then be a little more tolerant and just plain kind to you and your kids.

It sounds like a tricky situation.

Good! That’s called being a considerate neighbor. It’s great that the noise from your kids in your house doesn’t bother you. But when you chose to move into an apartment you chose to live in an environment where one needs to be aware of their neighbors. The unwritten rule isn’t that the apartment is kid unfriendly. The unwritten rule is that when your home and your neighbor’s home share a wall then it is expected both parties will be considerate about the noise they make.

Maybe you didn’t realize that noise travels between walls. Maybe you didn’t realize you’re kids are noisy (aka normal healthy kids). Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to move into an apartment. It’s not your fault and mistakes happen. Now try to think of it from your neighbor’s perspective.

Your neighbors aren’t being mean; they are stressed out. From their perspective, they feel they shouldn’t have to tell you that you’re making too much noise. They feel you are being inconsiderate by making the noise in the first place! You have essentially forced your noisy kids into their nice quiet apartment. Their home that they have put much money into and much time and energy making it the home they love… you’ve forced yourself into that. That’s upsetting.

When I was a kid I lived above another apartment and if I started jumping or banging on the floor my mother scolded me to “stop jumping on our neighbor’s heads”. That was the right thing to do, the considerate thing, the good neighbor thing. It is good to teach your kids to be considerate of others.

If you want to try to fix things with your neighbors then you need to tell them a] you are aware your kids noise levels has been bothering the neighbors, b] your kids aren’t used to living in an apartment and having to think about noise levels, and c] you will teach your kids to know better. In other words, let your neighbors know that you know you’ve been a problem and you are intent on becoming a solution.

At the end of the day you will either be known as the inconsiderate neighbor with the undisciplined kids or the considerate neighbor with the well behaved kids. That IS your choice.

Don’t you think children need to learn that their actions have an effect on other people’s feelings?? Saying things like “Hitting hurts me” or “When you yell at me it hurts mommy’s feelings” Is a great learning opportunity.

kind of like the whole noise situation you’re having in your apartment. You CAN’T just let it go and forget about it because you have been taught to respect, validate and see when your actions are impacting another person.

I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, I don’t mean it that way.

I’m sorry about your situation and most likley the neighbour is overreacting and gossiping about you to the other neighbours that’s why the lady ignored you. My advice would be to apoligize, ‘try’ to keep quiet but don’t flip your life upside down trying to appease her. That’s all you can do.

Do you guys have a law like we do that you can be noisy between 7am and 10pm? Because if you do then you can tell her to shove it. You can’t be friends with everyone.